On 27/03/2018 16:14, Pete Zahut wrote:

Irritable Bowel Syndrome can attack at any time, anywhere, so no,
absolutely NOT a wind-up!

Ah so a medical condition which no doubt you've explored the plethora of
dietary eliminations and triggers etc. to no avail.

In which case, as others have suggested a glowy red radiant heater would
be your best friend. You could set one up on an "occupancy" PIR sensor,
just might need to wave your arms every now and again if it thinks
you've left the room.