This from Mark Mandell's post to WoodCentral
Do not be drinking anything when reading what
follows

"After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like
most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the
following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. xxxxxxx,

Over the past six months, your husband has been
causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot
tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
both of you from the store. Our complaints against
Mr. xxxxxxxxx are listed below and are documented
by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts
when
they weren't looking.

2. July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7:
Made a trail of juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3
in
Housewares. Get on it Right away!'

5. August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.

6. August 14:
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15:
Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers
he'd
invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the
bedding
department.

8. August 23:
When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
screamed,
'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4:
Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while
he
picked his nose.

10. September 10:
While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk
where
the antidepressants were kept.

11. October 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
'Mission
Impossible' theme.

12. October 6:
In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by trying
on
different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled
'PICK ME!
PICK ME!'

14. October 21:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he dropped to the
floor in a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!'

And last, but not least.

15. October 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then
yelled very
loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'