worker bee wrote:
Interesting story just developed over the past two months that I
figured I'd let you know about in case it happens to you.

For about five years, I've been in an unfriendly situation with my
nearest neighbor (over past events with the kids getting into trouble
and barking loose dogs).

Then, the past two months, no less than 5 inspectors came to my
property to check for hazardous conditions due to 'anonymous'
complaints.

The first was the fire marshall who was told I had 'large gasoline
tanks' on the property. Turns out, fuel containers of fewer than 60
gallons each are exempt from fire marshall permit needs (a permit
application alone, he told me, is over $750).

That didn't strike me as too weird until the zoning guys dropped by.
They said someone complained about an improper 'accessory structure'
used to house gasoline. Turns out any accessory structure that is six
feet from the property line meets zoning requirements, so he left me
alone.

It started to get weirder when the building inspector showed up for
the same reason (don't these guys talk to each other?). He too left
empty handed. Apparently an accessory structure only needs a permit
if it's greater than 120 square feet and if its highest point is
greater than 14 feet tall.

I knew someone had it in for me when, a month later, my wife called
me at work to say there was a guy snooping around the property
without even knocking on the door! She called the police and then
called me!

Turns out, it was a hazmat inspector who had received a complaint
about a 'primary container' leaking with no 'secondary containment'
in place. He left before I arrived but told my wife that there was
nothing he could or would do unless it was actually leaking as there
are no storage regulations for private property other than you can't
actually leak gasoline into the ground.

He did suggest a 'secondary containment' of an oblong horse trough
though.

I rushed home early from work to find both the police and yet another
inspector talking to my wife in the back yard. This inspector was from
the air quality management district. He said that organic fuel gas
tanks less than 260 gallons were exempt from vapor recovery &
pressure venting requirements, so he left before the cop finished
asking questions.

The cop seemed amused by the whole story - but he asked a LOT of
questions about the gas cans lying around.

Turns out that you can't transport anything heavier (yes, heavier)
than 500 pounds of "fuel" in a vehicle (not counting the vehicle's
gasoline tank itself) which he said was 62 gallons of gasoline
(#11160 title 13 California Code of Regulations & 32000.5a California
Vehicle Code). He also mentioned that 172.504c Title 49 of the code
of Federal Regulations requires a placard if you carry more than
1,000 pounds of gasoline.

Since I'm only carrying about 50 gallons, I'm exempt from that too!

All in all, an interesting story. Now, I do have a sense of humor so I
have to figure out how I can get my neighbor back.

Have you ever engaged in these type of neighborly wars? Any good
ideas?

You should ignore the insults and irritations or respond with a scorched
earth policy.

If you reply to your neighbor's affronts with piddly responses, like sending
him a fire engine at 3:00 a.m., this tit-for-tat business will go on for
decades, causing continuing fluxations and causing you (and him) to nearly
itch to death.

Now by "scorched earth" I mean doing something, probably illegal, but that
has a consequence orders of magnitudes greater than a mere inconvenience.

* Find about three of your like-minded neighbors. Visit your neighbor and
beat the **** out of him. I mean sufficient to put him, if not in the
hospital, at least in the emergency room.

* In the dark of the moon, plant some Marijuana shrubs in an out of the way
place on his property. Wait a week. Call the fuzz.

Consult the book: "Make My Day." Get it he
http://www.amazon.com/Make-My-Day-Ha...2915184&sr=1-1

I particularily liked the episode where a chap, after getting screwed by an
attorney, impersonated the attorney in talks with both the telephone company
and a local cemetery. He persuaded both that he was in desperate fear of
being buried alive and wanted a telephone in his casket and that he was
willing to pay any amount.

Negotiations continued for several weeks, but finally both the telephone
company and the cemetery found ways, at no small expense, to accommodate his
request.

He then took out an "ad" in a local suburban newspaper, disguised as an
obituary, of the target attorney. The legal-specialty newspaper in his
community picked it up and republished the faux death notice.

By this time, both the cemetery and the telephone company were pestering the
object attorney with demands that he come right down and sign some papers.

Then it got worse for the lawyer.