DIYbanter - View Single Post

HeyBub[_3_]

Steve B wrote:
"HeyBub" wrote in message
...
wrote:

Boy scouts with guns? Are you joshing? If they ever were boy
scouts, it was when they were young enough to be forced by their
parents to join. Boy scouts? I'm laughing so hard I can hardly
type...and I've heard all of the stories about copper bars,
including the one where some poor sucker tried an armed robbery )

I've been both. Almost all the calls we take are "after the fact"
(residence burglaries, stolen cars, malicious mischief, naked woman
in a tree). In these cases the victim is upset and feels violated.
In many situations they are afraid. Sometimes they are angry.

They need help in securing their remaining property, advice on how to
prevent a reoccurrence, referral to appropriate agencies, a call to a
relative or neighbor, or, most often, a sympathetic ear. I've spliced
telephone wires back together, hammered boards over broken windows,
and all manner of little things to assuage the victim's panic.

One of my most effective lines was: "I'm on your side. If it were up
to me, I'd loan you my gun."

The events you "hear about" are the exceptions. Police work is really
"months of boredom punctuated by a few brief seconds of terror." You
don't "hear about" the beat cop starting off his shift by making 16
residence burglary reports, just like you don't have TV specials
about the firefighters spending five days in a row waxing their
equipment because nothing caught fire.

Fortunately, humans are funny. If you stress 'em a bit - such that
their facade of respectability vanishes - they get even funnier. Ask
any cop, firefighter, paramedic, or emergency room worker to tell
you stories ("Uh, I didn't know you was the fuzz. I thought youz was
just a couple of ordinary turds" [Whap! Whap!] ).

Tell me, please, that you are NOT a police officer .............

I'm not. Used to be. Imagine, two hours after the shift ends at 1:00 a.m.
and I've still got five reports to write. Dude walks into the detective
office:

Me: "May I help you?"
Mope: "I want to give myself up."
Me: "What did you do?"
Mope: "I escaped."
Me: "Escaped from what?"
Mope: "The Georgia State Hospital for the Criminally Insane."
Me: "Sorry, you've done come to the wrong place. Walk out the front door of
this building, turn left, go two blocks to 1610 Texas Avenue. They'll fix
you up."
Mope: "Thank you. I appreciate it."
(Mope leaves)
(Partner wakes up)
Partner: "What the ****'s at 1610 Texas Avenue?"
Me: "The Greyhound Bus station."
Partner: "Good call."
(Partner goes back to sleep)