Bay Area Dave wrote:
Mark, you'll find there are a handful of characters here who would
argue with me if I said the sky was blue.

Well, right now, outside my window it's black with little white sparkley
thingies and occasional fluffy white thingies... g

Write something, quick, to me telling me what a useless, shiftless,
demonic, moronic, nitwit I am. Then you'll be in their good graces.

My very first job after college a wise, old, retired Air Force pilot took me
under his wing. To boil down everything he taught me, the essence is to
write and speak from the other bloke's point of view.

I have read many things you have posted. Considering the whole paragraph,
they make sense. But you, as I did before the retired Colonel grabbed my
ear and made me understand, tend to write *first* in DISagreement, then
agreement. If you develop the habit of simply reversing these, people will
take much less offense. Very few people have developed the discipline to
read an entire article or paragraph and then pass judgement -- usually each
sentence, in turn, provides the cascading emotional impact.

I suggest you learn to do what I was taught to do in the early 1980's.
Instead of writing,

"Charlie, that's the single stupidest thing I've ever heard. But in some
ways I agree with you. The grommit should always be impaled on the
gadget..."

you should *consciously* try to write like this,

"Charlie, I agree completely about impaling the grommit on the gadget.
That makes perfect sense, and I do it all the time. But I don't agree with
your point about the fridget on the slammer. It seems to me ..."

The second techique focuses on the specifics; the first, unfortunately,
tends to focus on the individuals, no matter the merits of the ancillary
information.


To choose to use the 2nd technique takes lots of discipline and willingness
to read what one has written through they eyes of another. It also requires
a concious decision to demote one's own ego. I know this, because I've been
married over 20 years and have two teenagers. g Almost daily, my
decision is between "Do I want to foster growth and understanding" or "Do I
need to beat my chest the hardest, showing I'm the biggest ape in the
jungle?" It's not easy, but I usually choose to make sure the others feel
they are communicating accurately. (Many are the times I've sat in my car
afterward, listening to 1970's music, and crying... A 40+ year old dude
sitting in a Firebird crying in the rain?: Yup.)

To summarize, I believe if you hone your delivery skills you will be better
able to get your content across. The keys are to write from the other
person's point of view and to take one's own ego out of the writing as much
as possible.

I have a lot more I could write on this, In fact, I paused a very long time
after writing "Yup." trying to decide if more was apprpriate. I decided it
was better to wait for feedback, if any.


Summarizing: BAD, it seems to me that sometimes you make very good points
in such a way that many people take offense. You can learn to no create
these needless offenses; I have done so myself.

Thought? Comments?

-- Mark