On 27 June, 13:52, Stephen wrote:

Didn't choose it, didn't buy it, avoid using the thing, but yes, I've
got one.

You don't sound too keen! Why do you avoid it?

Because I have better ones.

If I didn't have better ones, I would use it.


I have heard Honda is the name to buy for generators, is that so?

Small, new ones, yes. Onan are worth looking at for big stuff, as is
almost anything in matt green.


What is a farm auction and can anyone (i.e. non-farmers) go?

Try a copy of "Farmer's Guardian" etc., or just adverts from your
local auctioneers. These days they're even on the web.

They're usual a semi-regular event, maybe monthly or quarterly, in
some convenient location such as an empty factory unit (indoor) or
just a field with parking, near the local market town where the
auctioneer is based. The other sort is when a particular farm or
business is being sold off, then they're usually on-site. Mixed sales
are usually Saturdays, businesses are mid-week.

For most of them, just turn up early and register to get a bidder's
number. They usually claim to want to see 14 bank references and your
inside leg measurement, but in practice then provided it's a small
value item and you're paying cash, then you're OK just turning up. You
can still buy a new combine harvester on nothing more than a
handshake, but only if your family have tilled the same land since
1640 and your grandfathers both shared a trench near Ypres. Don't
expect to get cash from a cash machine near the auction site, because
farm auctions will infamously empty the whole town's!

Then wander the numbered lots and make a note of what you're
interested in, and how much you'd pay for it. Do this now, because you
won't have time later. Most auctions will have several of the same
item and you won't get the one you wanted, so look at them all and
price each according to condition and desirability.

Depending on local traditions, you _might_ get to fire up the worn-
looking chainsaw and see if it starts, but that's unusual. Generally
you're buying untested, at your risk. It's likely to be cheap, but
risky. I have bought my share of turkeys before, so caveat emptor.

When the auction starts a loose cluster of blokes in scruffy Barbours
will gather around a couple of blokes in slightly cleaner Barbours.
These are the bidders and auctioneers, who usually walk around from
lot to lot in order (but not always, so keep your ears open). Almost
everything there will be bought by the scruffiest half-dozen of these
blokes. One of them owns a third of the pigs in Berkshire, sold
another third last week for cash (now in his pocket) and smells like
he still has the remainder of them somewhere in another pocket. Later
he will haggle for a quid over a roll of chicken wire, then drop 20
grand on a tractor without blinking. The auctioneer knows this and is
watching those guys closely, so if you want a hope in hell of bidding,
you need to be standing in his line of sight near to them. Auctioneers
are there to sell things and quickly, they're not there to sell things
to you in particular, so it's your job to get where you're noticeable.

You bid by waving a hand, shouting or flapping your bidder number. You
won't buy a tractor by accident, this is their day job, they're good
at it.

When you've won it, you shout out your bidder number. Which you
already have handy, or else you look like a right numpty.

When they've sold the first few lots, a second auctioneer usually
starts selling the next row along. Now it gets awkward, which is why
you need your list of lot numbers. Keep an eye on both and make sure
you're in the right crowd at the right time.

Every few dozen lots, an auctioneer's runner takes the completed sale
list to the cash office. Once they've typed it up, you're quite at
liberty to pay for what's yours and (usually) collect it and take it
home. Obviously this depends on whether you need a fork-lift, and
whether the auction crowd has left space for you to get to it. Some
tact is called for, but there will be a queue at the office later.
Hang onto the paperwork and the paper lot numbers on every load in
your vehicle, because they'll check them on the way out.

Once you've won the bid, the item is your problem. So if it's the
Norris plane in the toolbox of mixed tat, keep your eye on it. Things
do sometimes jump from box to box...

It's considered rude to leave a lot behind. Even more so to leave half
a lot behind. Particularly if it's the drum of old sheep dip that you
bought included in the mixed lot of tractor seats. This happens
surprisingly often, but it is yours now, so you get to get rid of it.

Taking a lot home is your problem. This requires you to have vehicle
to transport it, a barn to put it in when you get home, and enough of
a lift to get it onto your transport. However you are at a place full
of burly farmer types in a cheery mood, and if it's that big a sale
they'll usually have a fork lift for your truck.

My last sale was in a field, so wasn't the driest ever. I bought a
steel roller shutter garage door, a 2" petrol water pump (Honda
engine), a 5' long two-handed felling saw and a four-caster skateboard
and still had change from £20...