if you're craiglisting, why not add a line to the effect that any cheques
requiring "change" will only be accepted on the strict understanding that
this will entail an eight week clearing time before goods are despatched or
monies go out?

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--B'ored Um'borg, deposed assistant depity chief commissioner, Nigerian
Secret Police. I am running for my life as my office has ransacked and my
identity stolen by an unscrupulous bad fellah who is wearing my gold braid
trouser and sitting in my best chair and who had me knocked on head and made
have plastic surgery to look like someone else I never resemble.

I have 270 million U.S. dollar and forty three cent. from sales of office
furniture and gifts what I am mean to place in a deposit of your choosing
when I can get out of my country with scrotum of St. Paul and genuine one of
Jesus Nike sandal on attractive velvet frame. Supplies limited
I am willing to donate ffdtry percent - nearly half - of this fund to person
who will help me regain what is rightfully mine safely out of country.
To do this I am to need a way to transfer funds to God-fearing resident of
honourable status and kindly disposal and charity who is respectable and
popular with people of good standing in your country with established
account. A mutual friend has told me you are person of integrity and honour
and will be likely to help even without reward, but I would like to repay
your kindness with large sum of untraceable tax-free easy come fund for your
enjoyment for this small favour.

I have no liquid asset, due to plastic surgery look like other fellah and
cannot get served in Post Office so I need a small sum to first get over
border and fly to safe country with Western Union and gentleman's outfitter
where I can arrange the release of funding to your account.

I also need to buy solar panel, a small jazz size drum set, baking
ingredients and customized car with attractive metal flame paint for which I
can pay by immediate cheque which I cannot cash in this country due to
plastic surgery face, but for inconvenience I will pay double value to you
with larger cheque of which you deduct twice the value and forward remainder
to my mother's great aunt living in Alabama.

I look forward to your kindness and Christian Samaritan in this matter of
delicacy and speed.