Tanus wrote in :

Han wrote:
My best wishes for you, Tanus.

Thanks Han. You and Lew dealt with distances much greater than mine,
although mine are considerable as well. For the first time in my adult
life, I wish I lived much closer.

You will never live close enough unless you live in the same house. At
least that is what I inferred from the difficulties of others, who were
living within a few miles of their parents in similar circumstances. You
have to accept that fact, and it is a VEY IMPORTANT fact for your sanity
and the parent's acceptance of the help.

I established the routine of calling home every day at the same time
(6:30 AM my time, 12:30 PM theirs). The routine was reassuring and I
enforced it, since I couldn't afford to be woken up in the middle of the
night if it wasn't an emergency. Of course I had the extremely good luck
of my parents having very caring neighbors ... I know I can't thank them
enough for their help, other than by doing similar things when I (or,
mostly, my wife) can to my neighbors.


snip


I wish you and your sisters all the strength necessary to get through
this period. Consider yourselves among friends who think of you and
your Mom.


This is something the family is finding both online and off. We've
talked to a great many people who have either been there, or can
easily relate. I haven't talked to one professional who hasn't given
me sound advice with good reasons for giving it.

We're lucky so far that Mom, while at times quite confused, hasn't
slipped into frustration and lashed out. That may change, but so far
it's good.

In my father's case especially, it was deteriorating mental capacities
that imperceptibly got worse and worse until frailty precipitated a
breakdown. We were lucky that he could mostly manage his frustrations,
until they became really bad, like when I entered the hospital roomand
found him in a chair chewing on newspaper. It was the antidote to the
poison the Germans were giving him (WWII had not been kind on him).
Routine is what the elderly really need at beyond some point, I think, to
stay (mostly) sane.

Thanks again.

You're welcome, and don't hesitate to talk about this as much as you need
to.

--
Best regards
Han
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