On Thu, 15 May 2008 12:43:42 -0700 (PDT), cajunpaisley
wrote:

I am a carpenter. Not a contractor. I've offered to help a friend re-
do her living room floors and kitchen. I have a knack for making
things look nice without spending a lot of money..I have a good nose
for bargains, a good eye for detail, etc. Rewiring that had to be
done, to accommodate new fixtures, new fan and a dimmer switch
replacement were all done by a licensed electrician.
I am dealing with my friend mostly, but lately the husband has gotten
involved in the process. The living room floors are done, they are a
good brand laminate. Installed and baseboards, shoe are coped and in
place. Now to the kitchen. No decision has been made on tile or
countertop materials...First the theme was to be "neutral", then not
to spend too much money, then they looked at all their friends and
family's stuff and made a sort of decision...only to waffle on design,
product, you name it. (remember, I am doing this free, so money or
pay is not the issue) The wife's usual comment has been "you have
good taste, just do something and i'll like it". Now the husband has
stuck his nose in it...and has NO clue what he wants, but pontificates
forever about what he thinks he wants. He nitpicks every decision, is
hard to engage as to "friendliness" and at the end of each twice or
thrice daily dissertation..he says "well, it don't matter to me
anyway". But then five minutes later, here he starts up with the
nitpicking (he knows nothing about carpentry) I don't ever dispute
color, as we all have different tastes. The end of this project is a
custom bar, but the bar is going to be the last thing to be done. And
because it will depend on some of the choices that they make...my
specialty is custom wood pieces..all unique, and quality sturdy usable
functional bartops. The husband has never been to my house, which is
a showcase of what I do, I've asked the wife to bring him...oh well.
Not that I want their house to look like mine, just to show them i
have a sense of good quality..
I am getting quite frustrated..as I don't have time to dick around
with them forever, I offered to help them, but not to babysit while
they nailed one foot to the floor. I've told them ideas, where to
shop, the necessary steps to achieve the look they want. (of course
they want it all rock bottom, but that takes some thinking and
planning, anyone can have a great looking kitchen if you spend a lot
of money)
My question to the group, what would you do? I do not want hard
feelings, as we are friends. This is the first time I've ever worked
with them. And what would I say?
My big problem is with the husband. I just for the life of me, cannot
engage him, it is just superficial babbling that I get from him...my
husband says he is just using his "game face". Game face for what?
The wife tells me one thing when it's just she and i, but when she's
around her husband, she parrots him.
Perry

Hi Perry,

Sounds like a no-win situation and I would try to back out gracefully
now before the plot thickens; these sorts of things don't normally get
better, only worse, and unless you enjoy the constant stress and
abuse, you really need to blow Dodge. Be honest and respectful and
tell them you value their friendship and that you're worried working
with them might might put that at risk. Hopefully they'll be
flattered and you'll be able to escape without causing any hard
feelings. Good luck!

Cheers,
Paul