How to handle telemarketers

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to
sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a
telemarketer.

I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to
me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this: (swallowing)
- Me: Hello
- AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
- Me: Is this AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
- Me: This is AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
- Me: Is this AT&T?
- AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
- Me: May I ask who is calling?
- AT&T: This is AT&T.
- Me: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that,
surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my
surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

- Me: Hello?
- AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
- Me: May I ask who is calling please?
- AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
- Me: Is this AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
- Me: This is AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
- Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes sir.
- Me: The phone company?
- AT&T: Yes sir.
- Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
- AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
- Me: I already have a phone.
- AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
- Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express
yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested," but this
lady was persistent.

- AT&T: Mr. Byron, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a
day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Now, I am sure she meant she was
offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word
"rate." I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old
calculator and do a little ciphering.
- Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
- AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes
- sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
- Me: 7 days a week?
- AT&T: That's right.
- Me: 365 days a year?
- AT&T: Yes sir.
- Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
- AT&T: We think so!
- Me: That's quite a sum of money!
- AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
- Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at
the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check,
can I get a cash advance?
- AT&T: Excuse me?