A Catholic, a Muslim, and an engineer were sentenced to death on the
guillotine. The operators of the death machine customarily gave each client
the choice of whether he would lay face up or face down. First up, the
Muslim goes "I wish to look up into the eyes of Allah". Click, swooosh,
CLANK! goes the blade as it stops within a couple of feet from the bottom.
Praise be to Allah, his will must was done - the Muslim goes free.

Next comes the catholic and he states, "I wish to behold the beauty of the
heavenly skies as I look up to meet my maker". Again, click, swooosh,
CLANK! as the blade stops before doing its job. Praise God - the Catholic
goes free.

As the engineer mounts the block, face up with a quizzical glance upward, he
goes, "Hey, I think I see your problem!"

Bob Swinney



"John Manders" wrote in message
...
Yet more about us



Comprehending Engineers, --Take One



A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? "We must have been waiting
for
15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenkeeper. Let's have a word with
him."

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?"

The greenkeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters.

They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"



************************************************** **********************



Comprehending Engineers-Take Two



There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily
retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a
seemingly
impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine
fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on retired engineer
who
had solved so many of their problems in the past.



The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the
huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a
particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where
your
problem is". The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.



The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.

They demanded an itemised accounting of his charges. The engineer
responded
briefly:



One chalk mark $1

Knowing where to put it $49,999



It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.



************************************************** **********************



Comprehending Engineers-Take Three



The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"



The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"



The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"



The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with
that?"



************************************************** **********************



Comprehending Engineers-Take Four



Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems,
many
thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?



"************************************************* ************************



Comprehending Engineers-Take Five



An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship.



The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion
and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."



"Both?"



Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the workshop
and get some work done."



************************************************** **********************



Comprehending Engineers-Take Six



An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer
rides
up on a shiny new motorcycle.



"Where did you get such a great bike?" asked the first.



The second engineer replied "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding
my
own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the
bike
to the ground, took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want.'"



The first engineer nodded approvingly "Good choice; the clothes probably

wouldn't have fit."