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Metalworking (rec.crafts.metalworking) Discuss various aspects of working with metal, such as machining, welding, metal joining, screwing, casting, hardening/tempering, blacksmithing/forging, spinning and hammer work, sheet metal work. |
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#1
Posted to rec.crafts.metalworking,is.vedur
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How to craft 300 anvils ???
ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for their
next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006, 301 pianos will hit my head. So how can I craft anvils ? |
#2
Posted to rec.crafts.metalworking,is.vedur
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How to craft 300 anvils ???
Why do you insist on inventing the wheel? With a quantity of 300, you will
be able to buy them from a supply house much cheaper than the cost of making them yourself. Steve "Todd Airsushi" wrote in message oups.com... ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for their next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006, 301 pianos will hit my head. So how can I craft anvils ? |
#3
Posted to rec.crafts.metalworking,is.vedur
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How to craft 300 anvils ???
"Steve Lusardi" wrote in message ... "Todd Airsushi" wrote in message oups.com... ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for their next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006, 301 pianos will hit my head. So how can I craft anvils ? Why do you insist on inventing the wheel? With a quantity of 300, you will be able to buy them from a supply house much cheaper than the cost of making them yourself. Steve They probably want them in polystyrene if it's for a film. AWEM |
#4
Posted to rec.crafts.metalworking,is.vedur
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How to craft 300 anvils ???
On 27 Dec 2005 01:19:01 -0800, "Todd Airsushi"
wrote: ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for their next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006, 301 pianos will hit my head. So how can I craft anvils ? Contact the Red Dragon Noodle and Machine Tool Collective in Bejing, and simply order them like I told you to do. And dont forget the gross of small anvil proof umbrellas and the Giant Rubber Bands.. Gunner, Owner, Coyote Engineering, a division of the Acme Corp, part of the Mega Group. "Pax Americana is a philosophy. Hardly an empire. Making sure other people play nice and dont kill each other (and us) off in job lots is hardly empire building, particularly when you give them self determination under "play nice" rules. Think of it as having your older brother knock the **** out of you for torturing the cat." Gunner |
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#6
Posted to rec.crafts.metalworking,is.vedur
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How to craft 300 anvils ???
"Todd Airsushi"wrote: (clip) If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006,(clip) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Isn't April 1 some kind of holiday? Sounds vaguely familiar. I suggest crafting these anvils out of styrofoam, using a hot wire to do the cutting. They will look okay in the movie, and think of the saving on shipping. You might offer to make them some styrofoam hammers, as well, for a good impedance match. |
#7
Posted to rec.crafts.metalworking
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How to craft 300 anvils ???
In article .com,
"Todd Airsushi" wrote: ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for their next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006, 301 pianos will hit my head. So how can I craft anvils ? That's easy. Call ACME back and order same anvil seeds, a time machine, and anti-paradox cream. Plant the seeds somewhere sunny with lots of abandoned cars. Then hop in the time machine and go forward until your anvils are large enough to harvest. Put on your paradox-block and start hauling them back. May require several trips unless you weld (metalwork!) a ball hitch to the time machine. -- B.B. --I am not a goat! thegoat4 at airmail dot net |
#8
Posted to rec.crafts.metalworking
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How to craft 300 anvils ???
Please consider NOT RESPONDING to this attempted thread. If you must, then remove his tracking newsgroup and trophy case, is.vedur, from the NEWSGROUPS line (or whatever it takes with _your_ newsreader to prevent crossposting). Every month or so, using a fictitious name, this troll floods 5000 newsgroups (all cross-posted to one or more low-traffic but unrelated "scorecard" newsgroups) with superficially relevant comments. The purpose is to disrupt with off-topic crosspostings. Browse the is.vedur newsgroup, his current score card, for the "big picture" on the person you are replying to. this group is for megalomaniac trolls and spambots only who like to terrorize the usenet. Only fans of George W.Bush are allowed to post here, because we are fans of his greatness, Lord Bush. Atheists, heretics and witches are not allowed to post here and will be burned at the stake! He is known as the "anagram troll" because his fictitious names are often discovered to be anagrams: Sam Prune ----- Superman Bruce K. Gros ----- Buck Rogers Ron Main ----- Iron Man Oliver Wen ----- Wolverine Stevie Mormon ----- Monster Movie Lance H. Albertin, Archie Tannbell, Caine Barthnell, Lachlan Bentier, Lecter Cain Netherball, Cael Annblither, Cable Hartlinen, Cale Labthinner, Elchanan Riblet, Brant Halecline, Arnie N. Techball, Nathaniel Clerb, Allan Niceberth, Brice-Allen Hant, Charan-Neil Belt, Thian Cellarben, Albrecht Inlane ----- Hannibal Lecter Eliot Coweye ----- Wilee Coyote Gerry Lintonice ----- Nitroglycerine Tristan Beeline ----- Albert Einstein Winnie Oakbob ----- Obi-wan Kenobi Paul Eisner ----- Super Alien Tom-Alex Soorhull ----- Homosexual Troll Lester T. Linpord ----- President Troll Karl Reitlos ----- Kaiser Troll Rick Stoll ----- Sick Troll Karl-Hugo Weesberg ----- George Walker Bush Hans-Marc Olsen ----- Charles Manson Eric Coldo ----- Crocodile G.K. Konnig ----- King Kong Brian Raab ----- Barbarian Pablo Rena ----- Anal Probe Patrick Kain ----- Captain Kirk Alberto Panno-Peano ----- Napoleon Bonaparte Ted Harvard ----- Darth Vader Faith Dorell, Leah Lidtorf, Ralf Dieholt ----- Adolf Hitler Blaine Adamson, Adam Ben Nalois ----- Osama Bin-Laden Shane D. Maudiss ----- Sadam Hussein Keith J. Crapper ----- Jack The Ripper Stan J. Lefosi ----- Josef Stalin Evan-Josh Roose ----- Jason Voorhees Bruno Beam ----- Unabomber Dan Simper ----- Spiderman Other aliases he has used: Charles Immey Harlan Osier Gerard Mindstep I'm the evil anagram troll and I like to create persons with names which are anagrams of something stupid. This would be a good idea for a screenplay, because people can try to find out the anagrams ... ----- Yes, without trolls, the usenet would implode, causing a black hole that would suck in the whole universe !!! That means, trolls are NECESSARY ! Trolls are the saviours of usenet ! GOD himself gave trolls the mission to troll to save the universe ! trollito ergo sum - I troll, so I am ! Like all trolls, he means to annoy and disrupt. The tracking newsgroup is the way he "keeps score" of how much damage he has caused. Don't put yourself on display in his trophy case. Google groups (the service the troll uses to post) has already expressed that will not take action based on complaints about this type of behavior. .:\:/:. +-------------------+ .:\:\:/:/:. | PLEASE DO NOT | :.:\:\:/:/:.: | FEED THE TROLL | :=.' - - '.=: | | '=(\ 9 9 /)=' | Thank you, | ( (_) ) | Management | /`-vvv-'\ +-------------------+ / \ | | @@@ / /|,,,,,|\ \ | | @@@ /_// /^\ \\_\ @x@@x@ | | |/ WW( ( ) )WW \||||/ | | \| __\,,\ /,,/__ \||/ | | | jgs (______Y______) /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\//\/\\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ |
#9
Posted to rec.crafts.metalworking
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How to craft 300 anvils ???
On 27 Dec 2005 12:15:39 -0800, "
wrote: Please consider NOT RESPONDING to this attempted thread. If you must, then remove his tracking newsgroup and trophy case, is.vedur, from the NEWSGROUPS line (or whatever it takes with _your_ newsreader to prevent crossposting). Every month or so, using a fictitious name, this troll floods 5000 newsgroups (all cross-posted to one or more low-traffic but unrelated "scorecard" newsgroups) with superficially relevant comments. The purpose is to disrupt with off-topic crosspostings. He ain't disturbing rec.crafts.metalworking any - we were disturbed long before he ever got here. ;-) But thanks for the heads-up. Note how many people figured it out right off and responded in the proper tone... And if you need a Troll Mallet, this is the place to come for one - we grow 'em big. Drop-Forge Hammer big. Want to barbecue that troll instead? We can supply heat in bulk quantities that would give Hades some serious pause. If all else fails, we have members of the group with 500,000 acres of open desert in their backyard, and a backhoe. Troll Motel here - they check in, but they don't check out. It takes two (or more) to flame-war, the vast majority here know not to bite on flame bait. And the rest just chuckle and hit the "Ignore Thread" button. This Airsushi is the "Snappy Answers For Stupid Questions" type. -- Bruce -- -- Bruce L. Bergman, Woodland Hills (Los Angeles) CA - Desktop Electrician for Westend Electric - CA726700 5737 Kanan Rd. #359, Agoura CA 91301 (818) 889-9545 Spamtrapped address: Remove the python and the invalid, and use a net. |
#10
Posted to rec.crafts.metalworking
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How to craft 300 anvils ???
"Bruce L. Bergman" wrote: (clip) Note how many people figured it out right off and responded in the proper tone... ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I guess there are trolls, there are harmless trolls, and there are AMUSING trolls. Some of my best enjoyment has come from this last category--they often bring out humor that otherwise would have remained hidden behind our usual serious scowls. |
#11
Posted to rec.crafts.metalworking,is.vedur
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How to craft 300 anvils ???
in the cartoons, they fall from the sky regularly.
When I wanted one, I had to search for 2 years then pay US$200 for a useable one. "Todd Airsushi" wrote in message oups.com... ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for their next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006, 301 pianos will hit my head. So how can I craft anvils ? |
#12
Posted to rec.crafts.metalworking,is.vedur
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How to craft 300 anvils ???
Jon Grimm wrote:
in the cartoons, they fall from the sky regularly. When I wanted one, I had to search for 2 years then pay US$200 for a useable one. You needed to find a coyote and convince him that you were a tasty roadrunner, then you've have gotten all manner of stuff thrown at you. "Todd Airsushi" wrote in message oups.com... ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for their next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006, 301 pianos will hit my head. So how can I craft anvils ? -- --John to email, dial "usenet" and validate (was jclarke at eye bee em dot net) |
#13
Posted to rec.crafts.metalworking
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How to craft 300 anvils ???
In article ,
"J. Clarke" wrote: Jon Grimm wrote: in the cartoons, they fall from the sky regularly. When I wanted one, I had to search for 2 years then pay US$200 for a useable one. You needed to find a coyote and convince him that you were a tasty roadrunner, then you've have gotten all manner of stuff thrown at you. "Todd Airsushi" wrote in message oups.com... ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for their next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006, 301 pianos will hit my head. So how can I craft anvils ? Watch that Wile E. Coyote, he'll sue you ass if your not careful. Check this... There is an Acme 'reply' to this out there somewhere... thought I had it, but guess not. Erik __________________________________________________ __________________ In the United States District Count, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona Case No. B19345, Judge John Kujava, Presiding Wile E. Coyote, Plaintiff -vs- Acme Company, Defendant OPENING Statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, Attorney for Mr. Coyote: My client, Mr. Wile E Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandize, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result of the actions and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability. Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, certain products which did cause him bodily injury due to defects in manufacture or improper cautionary labeling. Sales slips made out to Mr. Coyote as proof of purchase are at present in the possession of the Court, marked Exhibit A. Such injuries sustained by Mr. Coyote have temporarily restricted his ability to make a living in his profession of predator. Mr. Coyote is self-employed and thus not eligible for workman's Compensation. Mr. Coyote states that on December 13th he received of Defendant via parcel post one Acme Rocket Sled. The intention of Mr. Coyote was to use the Rocket Sled to aid him in pursuit of his prey. Upon receipt of the Rocket Sled Mr. Coyote removed it from its wooden shipping crate and, sighting his prey in the distance, activated the ignition. As Mr. Coyote gripped the handlebars, the Rocket Sled accelerated with such sudden and precipitate force as to stretch Mr. Coyote's forelimbs to a length of fifty feet. Subsequently, the rest of Mr. Coyote's body shot forward with a violent jolt, causing severe strain to his back and neck and placing him unexpectedly astride the Rocket Sled. Disappearing over the horizon at such speed as to leave a diminishing jet trial along its path, the Rocket Sled soon brought Mr. Coyote abreast of his prey. At that moment the animal he was pursing veered sharply to the right. Mr. Coyote vigorously attempted to follow this maneuver but was unable to, due to poorly designed steering on the Rocket Sled and a faulty or nonexistent braking system. Shortly thereafter, the unchecked progress of the Rocket Sled brought it and Mr. Coyote into collision with the side of a mesa. Paragraph One of the Report of Attending Physician (Exhibit B), prepared by Dr. Ernest Grosscup, M.D., D.O., details the multiple fractures, contusions, and tissue damage suffered by Mr. Coyote as a result of this collision. Repair of the injuries required a full bandage around the head (excluding the ears), a neck brace, and full or partial casts on all four legs. Hampered by these injuries, Mr. Coyote was nevertheless obliged to support himself. With this in mind, he purchased of Defendant as an aid to mobility one pair of Acme Rocket Skates. When he attempted to use this product, however, he became involved in an accident remarkably similar to that which occurred with the Rocket Sled. Again, Defendant sold over the counter, without caveat, a product which attached powerful jet engines (in this case, two) to inadequate vehicles, with little or no provision for passenger safety. Encumbered by his heavy casts, Mr. Coyote lost control of the Rocket Skates soon after strapping them on, and collided with a roadside billboard so violently as to leave a hole in the shape of his full silhouette. Mr. Coyote states that on occasions too numerous to list in this document he has suffered mishaps with explosives purchased of Defendant: the Acme "Little Giant" Firecracker, the Acme Self-Guided Aerial Bomb, etc. (For a full listing, see the Acme Mail Order Explosives Catalog and attached deposition, entered in evidence as Exhibit C.) Indeed, it is safe to say that not once has an explosive purchased of Defendant by Mr. Coyote performed in an expected manner. To cite just one example: At the expense of much time and personal effort, Mr. Coyote constructed around the outer rim of a butte a wooden trough beginning at the top of the butte and spiraling downward around it to some few feet above a black X painted on the desert floor. The trough was designed in such a way that a spherical explosive of the type sold by Defendant would roll easily and swiftly down to the point of detonation indicated by the X. Mr. Coyote placed a generous pile of birdseed directly on the X, and then, carrying the spherical Ace Bomb (Catalog #78- 832), climbed to the top of the butte. Mr. Coyote's prey, seeing the birdseed, approached, and Mr. Coyote proceeded to light the fuse. In an instant, the fuse burned down to the stem, causing the bomb to detonate. In addition to reducing all Mr. Coyote's careful preparations to naught, the premature detonation of Defendant's product resulted in the following disfigurements to Mr. Coyote; 1. Severe singing of the hair on the head, neck and muzzle. 2. Sooty discoloration. 3. Fracture of the left ear at the stem, causing the ear to dangle in the aftershock with a creaking noise. 4. Full or partial combustion of whiskers, producing kinking, frazzling and ashy disintegration. 5. Radical widening of the eyes, due to brow and lid charring. We come now to the Acme Spring-powered Shoes. The remains of a pair of these purchased by Mr. Coyote on June 23rd are Plaintiff's Exhibit D. Selected fragments have been shipped to the metallurgical laboratories of the University of California at Santa Barbra for analysis, but to date no explanation has been found for this product's sudden and extreme malfunction. As advertised by Defendant, this product is simplicity itself: two wood-and-metal sandals, each attached to milled-steel springs of high tensile strength and compressed in a tightly coiled position by a cocking device with a lanyard release. Mr. Coyote believed that this product would enable him to pounce upon his prey in the initial moments of the chase, when swift reflexes are at a premium. To increase the shoe's thrusting power still further, Mr. Coyote affixed them by their bottoms to the side of a large boulder. Adjacent to the boulder was a path which Mr. Coyote's prey was known to frequent. Mr. Coyote put his hind feet in the wood-and- metal sandals and crouched in readiness, his right forepaw holding firmly to the lanyard release. Within a short time Mr. Coyote's prey did indeed appear on the path coming toward him. Unsuspecting, the prey stopped near Mr. Coyote, well within range of the springs at full extension. Mr. Coyote gauged the distance with care and proceeded to pull the lanyard release. At this point, Defendant's product should have thrust Mr. Coyote forward and away from the boulder. Instead, for reasons yet unknown, the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes thrust the boulder away from Mr. Coyote. As the intended prey looked on unharmed, Mr. Coyote hung suspended in air. Then the twin springs uncoiled, bringing Mr. Coyote to a violent feet-first collision with the boulder, the full weight of his head and forequarters falling upon his lower extremities. The force of this impact then caused the springs to rebound, whereupon Mr. Coyote was thrust skyward. A second recoil and collision followed. The boulder, meanwhile, which was roughly ovoid in shape, had begun to bounce down a hillside, the coiling and recoiling of the springs adding to its velocity. At each bounce, Mr. Coyote came in contact with the boulder, or the boulder came into contact with Mr. Coyote, or both came into contact with the ground. As the grade was a long one, this process continued for some time. The sequence of collisions resulted in systemic physical damage to Mr. Coyote, viz, flatting of the cranium, sideways displacement of the tongue, reduction of length of legs and upper body, and compression of vertebrae from base of tail to head. Repetition of blows along a vertical axis produced a series of regular horizontal folds in Mr. Coyote's body tissues - a rare and painful condition which caused Mr. Coyote to expand upward and downward alternately as he walked, and to emit an off-key, accordion like wheezing with every step. The distracting and embarrassing nature of this symptom has been a major impediment to Mr. Coyote's pursuit of a normal social life. As the Count is no doubt aware, Defendant has a virtual monopoly of manufacture and sale of goods required by Mr. Coyote's work. It is our contention that Defendant has used its market advantage to the detriment of the consumer of such specialized products as itching powder, giant kites, Burmese tiger traps, anvils, and two-hundred-foot-long rubber bands. Much as he has come to mistrust Defendant's products, Mr. Coyote has no other source of supply to which to turn. One can only wonder what our trading partners in Western Europe and Japan would make of such a situation, where a giant company is allowed to victimize the consumer in the most reckless and wrongful manner over and over again. Mr. Coyote respectfully requests that the Court regard these larger economic implications and assess punitive damages in the amount of seventeen million dollars. In addition, Mr. Coyote seeks actual damages (missed meals, medical expenses, days lost from professional occupation) of one million dollars; general damages (mental suffering, injury to reputation) of twenty million dollars; and attorneys' fees of seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Total damages: thirty-eight million seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars. By awarding Mr. Coyote the full amount, this court will censure Defendant, its directors, officers, shareholders, successors, and assigns, in the only language they understand, and reaffirm the right of the individual predator to equal protection under the law. ___________________________ |
#14
Posted to rec.crafts.metalworking
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How to craft 300 anvils ???
On Wed, 28 Dec 2005 07:02:30 GMT, Erik wrote:
Watch that Wile E. Coyote, he'll sue you ass if your not careful. Check this... There is an Acme 'reply' to this out there somewhere... thought I had it, but guess not. Erik The Acme Companies Reply UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT SOUTHWESTERN DISTRICT OF ARIZONA ________________________________ WILE E. COYOTE, Plaintiff v. CIVIL ACTION NO. B19294 ACME COMPANY, Defendant ________________________________ COUNSEL FOR DEFENDANT By Mr. Fuddle: Ladies and Gentleman of the jury: the opening statement you have just heard from Mr. Schoff on behalf of the plaintiff, Wile E. Coyote, paints an incomplete picture of what occurred on the occasions when Mr. Coyote claims he was injured by ACME products. The evidence will clearly show that my client, ACME Products Corp., a Division of Dangerously Innovative Products and Patents Incorporated (or "DIPPI") is not at fault in this matter, and that any injuries sustained by the plaintiff were clearly caused by his own negligence, assumption of the risk and/or misuse of the products. Now, we have all seen the footage on television of the plaintiff withstanding various injuries which appear to be caused by ACME's products. You have seen over and over the tape of a hapless coyote being bludgeoned by a boulder as he is helplessly trapped by his ACME Spring Loaded Shoes. We have all seen the photographs taken at Warner Memorial Hospital of Mr. Coyote in a very small incubator, on life support, as his doctors attempt to straighten out the accordion-like folds from his body. We have all seen the gruesome images of the operation in which Dr. Tazmanian D. Devil whirls like a dervish, obscuring his features and creating a starry, "dust cloud" effect, while numerous limbs holding various surgical instruments swiftly repair the nerve damage to Mr. Coyote's extremities. It is normal for any human being to feel pity, horror, and even anger at such images. I want you to put those images aside for the moment, because they paint an incomplete picture. What the media has not disclosed to you, and what you will see in this courtroom, are various attempts at murder committed by the plaintiff - attempts which, fortunately, failed - while using my client's products. As the plaintiff readily admits, he is a predator, and his sole function in life is to track down and kill an innocent, highway traversing ornithoid. You see, ladies and gentleman, while the plaintiff is a natural predator, he is not a very good one. His own skills were inadequate to complete the task at hand, so he chose to seek the aid of various devices to effectuate his diabolical schemes. He looked in a catalogue, saw my client's products, and ordered them in the hope that they would assist him in killing his prey. But ladies and gentleman, ACME's products are not meant to cause intentional harm to anyone. The plaintiff has taken what were designed as musements, toys for the young and feebleminded, and has twisted their use to his own purposes. But I digress. Let us examine the plaintiff's claims and how the evidence clearly refutes the proposition that ACME is responsible for any harm sustained by the plaintiff. Mr. Coyote states that on December 13 he received an ACME Rocked Sled, that he attempted to use said rocket sled to pursue his prey, and that, upon igniting the sled, it accelerated with "sudden and precipitate force as to stretch Mr. Coyote's forelimbs to a length of fifty feet." There are several reasons why ACME cannot be held responsible for any injuries caused by this incident. First, the warning label attached conspicuously to the inside of the left front tire of the sled clearly stated, and I quote: "WARNING: IGNITION OF THIS DEVICE AT FULL THROTTLE MAY CAUSE SUDDEN AND PRECIPITATE FORCE AS TO STRETCH USER'S FORELIMBS TO A LENGTH OF UP TO SIXTY FEET, OR MAY CAUSE DEATH." That the plaintiff suffered so little as a result of his carelessness can be attributed only to Providence. Second, Arizona law is clear on this point: a plaintiff who is found to be violating any law whose purpose is safety at the time of his injury is contributorily negligent *per se*. There is ample evidence that Mr. Coyote was violating both the laws of gravity and inertia at the time of this incident, and thus he is responsible for his own woes. I could list many more examples of Mr. Coyote's negligent conduct in connection with his use of ACME's products, but you will hear all about them as the trial goes on. You will also hear the following evidence: (1) You will hear the plaintiff himself testify that, prior to the injuries complained of in this accident, he has suffered numerous injuries. As an example, on one occasion prior to the use of any ACME product, the plaintiff cornered his prey on the edge of a rather thin precipice. Taking an ordinary saw, the plaintiff began cutting away so that the edge of the cliff, with his prey on it, would drop some 1500 feet to a jagged, rocky destruction. Instead, by some inexplicable twist of fate the edge of the cliff remained standing while the whole mountain, on which the plaintiff was standing, plummeted to the bottom of the ravine, causing numerous injuries which affect the plaintiff to this day. On another occasion, Mr. Coyote was chasing his prey and followed it off of the edge of a cliff onto thin air, not realizing until too late that his prey, a bird, could remain in the air almost indefinitely while he, a canine, could not. As a result, he fell yet again, suffering even further severe and debilitating injuries which predate the injuries complained of in this action. (2) You will also hear the testimony of Mr. Road Runner, the plaintiff's prey and the true victim in this tragedy. Mr. Runner has been forced to live a nomadic lifestyle as a result of Mr. Coyote's unwanted attention, preventing him from forming any type of long term relationships. Numerous restraining orders had no effect. Mr. Runner has also suffered numerous psychological problems as a result of Mr. Coyote's actions, including but not limited to an inability to trust anyone who provides him with bird seed, a necessary ingredient in his daily nutritional schedule. (3) You will also hear from a witness to many of the incidents alleged in plaintiff's complaint, a colorful local prospector with red hair and moustache who has been known to proclaim: "No rootin' tootin' coyote can outsmart Yosemite Sam on any day of the week!" Don't be fooled by his gruff manner and twin pearl-handled six-shooters, he's a pussycat. (4) Customer service records of defendant ACME, which we were forced to produce in this matter, clearly show that none of the complaints registered by ACME's customers nation-wide have ever resulted in criminal convictions of the officers of the corporation. (5) Finally, videotape evidence will demonstrate that plaintiff faked many of his injuries, setting out to create performances especially for a jury such as yourself. On numerous occasions he would "mug" for the camera, as if he was well aware beforehand that he was being taped. For instance, during the "Rocked Sled" incident, as his forelimbs were stretched out ahead of him and his body remained behind, he looked straight into the camera with a forlorn, tired expression, as if to say: "look at how terrible my situation is, can you guess what's going to happen to me now." This jury is too smart to fall for such petty theatrics. In summary, ladies and gentlemen, it will be clear to you from the evidence that ACME's products, if used properly, will cause only minimal injuries to a user and his loved ones. The plaintiff in this case has brought his troubles upon himself by adopting his carnivorous lifestyle. As others have so adequately uttered: "Live by the Super Slick Jet Propulsion Automated Explosive Metal-Shearing Heat-Seeking Laser-Guided Razor-Edged Boomerang, die by the Super Slick, etc." I ask you, on behalf of my client, to dismiss the plaintiff's claims against it. "Pax Americana is a philosophy. Hardly an empire. Making sure other people play nice and dont kill each other (and us) off in job lots is hardly empire building, particularly when you give them self determination under "play nice" rules. Think of it as having your older brother knock the **** out of you for torturing the cat." Gunner |
#15
Posted to rec.crafts.metalworking,is.vedur
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How to craft 300 anvils ???
Todd Airsushi wrote:
ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for their next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006, 301 pianos will hit my head. So how can I craft anvils ? How come if Wile E. Coyote has enough money to buy all that ACME hardware he doesn't just go out and buy a chicken club sandwich and a botle of Acme Beer? BTW, Acme brand beer is still being produced by the North Coast Brewing Company in Fort Bragg, Caleefornia. Jeff (Who has fond high school era memories about Acme beer in San Francisco circa 1953.) -- Jeffry Wisnia (W1BSV + Brass Rat '57 EE) "Truth exists; only falsehood has to be invented." |
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