ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for their
next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006,
301 pianos will hit my head.

So how can I craft anvils ?

Why do you insist on inventing the wheel? With a quantity of 300, you will
be able to buy them from a supply house much cheaper than the cost of making
them yourself.
Steve

"Todd Airsushi" wrote in message
oups.com...
ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for their
next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006,
301 pianos will hit my head.

So how can I craft anvils ?

"Steve Lusardi" wrote in message
...

"Todd Airsushi" wrote in message
oups.com...
ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for
their
next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st,
2006,
301 pianos will hit my head.

So how can I craft anvils ?



Why do you insist on inventing the wheel? With a quantity of 300,
you will
be able to buy them from a supply house much cheaper than the cost
of making
them yourself.
Steve

They probably want them in polystyrene if it's for a film.

AWEM

On 27 Dec 2005 01:19:01 -0800, "Todd Airsushi"
wrote:

ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for their
next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006,
301 pianos will hit my head.

So how can I craft anvils ?

Contact the Red Dragon Noodle and Machine Tool Collective in Bejing,
and simply order them like I told you to do.

And dont forget the gross of small anvil proof umbrellas and the Giant
Rubber Bands..

Gunner, Owner, Coyote Engineering, a division of the Acme Corp, part
of the Mega Group.
"Pax Americana is a philosophy. Hardly an empire.
Making sure other people play nice and dont kill each other (and us)
off in job lots is hardly empire building, particularly when you give
them self determination under "play nice" rules.

Think of it as having your older brother knock the **** out of you
for torturing the cat." Gunner

357 oversized mallets, 72 spring loaded rope nooses, 14 lbs of bird seed and 3 pairs of rocket shoes and a very, very large blender. Mix in order.

"Todd Airsushi"wrote: (clip) If I don't craft them until April 1st,
2006,(clip)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Isn't April 1 some kind of holiday? Sounds vaguely familiar. I suggest
crafting these anvils out of styrofoam, using a hot wire to do the cutting.
They will look okay in the movie, and think of the saving on shipping. You
might offer to make them some styrofoam hammers, as well, for a good
impedance match.

In article .com,
"Todd Airsushi" wrote:

ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for their
next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006,
301 pianos will hit my head.

So how can I craft anvils ?

That's easy. Call ACME back and order same anvil seeds, a time
machine, and anti-paradox cream. Plant the seeds somewhere sunny with
lots of abandoned cars. Then hop in the time machine and go forward
until your anvils are large enough to harvest. Put on your
paradox-block and start hauling them back. May require several trips
unless you weld (metalwork!) a ball hitch to the time machine.

--
B.B. --I am not a goat! thegoat4 at airmail dot net

Please consider NOT RESPONDING to this attempted thread. If you must,
then
remove his tracking newsgroup and trophy case, is.vedur, from
the NEWSGROUPS line (or whatever it takes with _your_ newsreader to
prevent
crossposting).

Every month or so, using a fictitious name, this troll floods 5000
newsgroups (all cross-posted to one or more low-traffic but unrelated
"scorecard" newsgroups) with superficially relevant comments. The
purpose is to disrupt with off-topic crosspostings. Browse the
is.vedur newsgroup, his current score card, for the
"big picture" on the person you are replying to.

this group is for megalomaniac trolls and spambots only who like
to terrorize the usenet.

Only fans of George W.Bush are allowed to post here, because we are
fans of his greatness, Lord Bush.

Atheists, heretics and witches are not allowed to post here and will
be burned at the stake!

He is known as the "anagram troll" because his fictitious names are
often
discovered to be anagrams:

Sam Prune ----- Superman
Bruce K. Gros ----- Buck Rogers
Ron Main ----- Iron Man
Oliver Wen ----- Wolverine
Stevie Mormon ----- Monster Movie
Lance H. Albertin, Archie Tannbell, Caine Barthnell, Lachlan Bentier,
Lecter Cain Netherball, Cael Annblither, Cable Hartlinen, Cale
Labthinner,
Elchanan Riblet, Brant Halecline, Arnie N. Techball, Nathaniel Clerb,
Allan Niceberth, Brice-Allen Hant, Charan-Neil Belt, Thian Cellarben,
Albrecht Inlane
----- Hannibal Lecter
Eliot Coweye ----- Wilee Coyote
Gerry Lintonice ----- Nitroglycerine
Tristan Beeline ----- Albert Einstein
Winnie Oakbob ----- Obi-wan Kenobi
Paul Eisner ----- Super Alien
Tom-Alex Soorhull ----- Homosexual Troll
Lester T. Linpord ----- President Troll
Karl Reitlos ----- Kaiser Troll
Rick Stoll ----- Sick Troll
Karl-Hugo Weesberg ----- George Walker Bush
Hans-Marc Olsen ----- Charles Manson
Eric Coldo ----- Crocodile
G.K. Konnig ----- King Kong
Brian Raab ----- Barbarian
Pablo Rena ----- Anal Probe
Patrick Kain ----- Captain Kirk
Alberto Panno-Peano ----- Napoleon Bonaparte
Ted Harvard ----- Darth Vader
Faith Dorell, Leah Lidtorf, Ralf Dieholt ----- Adolf Hitler
Blaine Adamson, Adam Ben Nalois ----- Osama Bin-Laden
Shane D. Maudiss ----- Sadam Hussein
Keith J. Crapper ----- Jack The Ripper
Stan J. Lefosi ----- Josef Stalin
Evan-Josh Roose ----- Jason Voorhees
Bruno Beam ----- Unabomber
Dan Simper ----- Spiderman

Other aliases he has used:

Charles Immey
Harlan Osier
Gerard Mindstep

I'm the evil anagram troll and I like to create persons with names
which are anagrams of something stupid.

This would be a good idea for a screenplay, because people can try to
find out the anagrams ...

-----

Yes, without trolls, the usenet would implode, causing a black hole
that would suck in the whole universe !!!

That means, trolls are NECESSARY ! Trolls are the saviours of usenet !
GOD himself gave trolls the mission to troll to save the universe !

trollito ergo sum - I troll, so I am !

Like all trolls, he means to annoy and disrupt. The tracking newsgroup
is
the way he "keeps score" of how much damage he has caused. Don't put
yourself on display in his trophy case.

Google groups (the service the troll uses to post) has already
expressed
that will not take action based on complaints about this type of
behavior.



.:\:/:.
+-------------------+ .:\:\:/:/:.
| PLEASE DO NOT | :.:\:\:/:/:.:
| FEED THE TROLL | :=.' - - '.=:
| | '=(\ 9 9 /)='
| Thank you, | ( (_) )
| Management | /`-vvv-'\
+-------------------+ / \
| | @@@ / /|,,,,,|\ \
| | @@@ /_// /^\ \\_\
@x@@x@ | | |/ WW( ( ) )WW
\||||/ | | \| __\,,\ /,,/__
\||/ | | | jgs (______Y______)
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\//\/\\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

On 27 Dec 2005 12:15:39 -0800, "
wrote:

Please consider NOT RESPONDING to this attempted thread. If you must,
then remove his tracking newsgroup and trophy case, is.vedur, from
the NEWSGROUPS line (or whatever it takes with _your_ newsreader to
prevent crossposting).

Every month or so, using a fictitious name, this troll floods 5000
newsgroups (all cross-posted to one or more low-traffic but unrelated
"scorecard" newsgroups) with superficially relevant comments. The
purpose is to disrupt with off-topic crosspostings.

He ain't disturbing rec.crafts.metalworking any - we were disturbed
long before he ever got here. ;-) But thanks for the heads-up. Note
how many people figured it out right off and responded in the proper
tone...

And if you need a Troll Mallet, this is the place to come for one -
we grow 'em big. Drop-Forge Hammer big. Want to barbecue that troll
instead? We can supply heat in bulk quantities that would give Hades
some serious pause.

If all else fails, we have members of the group with 500,000 acres
of open desert in their backyard, and a backhoe. Troll Motel here -
they check in, but they don't check out.

It takes two (or more) to flame-war, the vast majority here know not
to bite on flame bait. And the rest just chuckle and hit the "Ignore
Thread" button.

This Airsushi is the "Snappy Answers For Stupid Questions" type.

-- Bruce --

--
Bruce L. Bergman, Woodland Hills (Los Angeles) CA - Desktop
Electrician for Westend Electric - CA726700
5737 Kanan Rd. #359, Agoura CA 91301 (818) 889-9545
Spamtrapped address: Remove the python and the invalid, and use a net.

"Bruce L. Bergman" wrote: (clip) Note how many people figured it out right
off and responded in the proper tone...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I guess there are trolls, there are harmless trolls, and there are AMUSING
trolls. Some of my best enjoyment has come from this last category--they
often bring out humor that otherwise would have remained hidden behind our
usual serious scowls.

in the cartoons, they fall from the sky regularly.
When I wanted one, I had to search for 2 years then pay US$200 for a useable
one.

"Todd Airsushi" wrote in message
oups.com...
ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for their
next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006,
301 pianos will hit my head.

So how can I craft anvils ?

Jon Grimm wrote:

in the cartoons, they fall from the sky regularly.
When I wanted one, I had to search for 2 years then pay US$200 for a
useable one.

You needed to find a coyote and convince him that you were a tasty
roadrunner, then you've have gotten all manner of stuff thrown at you.

"Todd Airsushi" wrote in message
oups.com...
ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for their
next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006,
301 pianos will hit my head.

So how can I craft anvils ?


--
--John
to email, dial "usenet" and validate
(was jclarke at eye bee em dot net)

In article ,
"J. Clarke" wrote:

Jon Grimm wrote:

in the cartoons, they fall from the sky regularly. When I wanted one, I had to search for 2 years then pay US$200 for a useable one.

You needed to find a coyote and convince him that you were a tasty roadrunner, then you've have gotten all manner of stuff thrown at you.

"Todd Airsushi" wrote in message oups.com...
ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for their next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006, 301 pianos will hit my head.

So how can I craft anvils ?



Watch that Wile E. Coyote, he'll sue you ass if your not careful. Check
this... There is an Acme 'reply' to this out there somewhere... thought
I had it, but guess not.

Erik
__________________________________________________ __________________

In the United States District Count, Southwestern District, Tempe,
Arizona Case No. B19345, Judge John Kujava, Presiding

Wile E. Coyote, Plaintiff
-vs-
Acme Company, Defendant

OPENING Statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, Attorney for Mr. Coyote:

My client, Mr. Wile E Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous
states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company,
manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandize,
incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district and
territory.

Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business
income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result of the actions
and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United
States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to
product liability.

Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has
purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that
company's mail-order department, certain products which did cause him
bodily injury due to defects in manufacture or improper cautionary
labeling. Sales slips made out to Mr. Coyote as proof of purchase are at
present in the possession of the Court, marked Exhibit A.

Such injuries sustained by Mr. Coyote have temporarily restricted his
ability to make a living in his profession of predator. Mr. Coyote is
self-employed and thus not eligible for workman's Compensation.

Mr. Coyote states that on December 13th he received of Defendant via
parcel post one Acme Rocket Sled. The intention of Mr. Coyote was to use
the Rocket Sled to aid him in pursuit of his prey. Upon receipt of the
Rocket Sled Mr. Coyote removed it from its wooden shipping crate and,
sighting his prey in the distance, activated the ignition. As Mr. Coyote
gripped the handlebars, the Rocket Sled accelerated with such sudden and
precipitate force as to stretch Mr. Coyote's forelimbs to a length of
fifty feet.

Subsequently, the rest of Mr. Coyote's body shot forward with a violent
jolt, causing severe strain to his back and neck and placing him
unexpectedly astride the Rocket Sled. Disappearing over the horizon at
such speed as to leave a diminishing jet trial along its path, the
Rocket Sled soon brought Mr. Coyote abreast of his prey. At that moment
the animal he was pursing veered sharply to the right. Mr. Coyote
vigorously attempted to follow this maneuver but was unable to, due to
poorly designed steering on the Rocket Sled and a faulty or nonexistent
braking system. Shortly thereafter, the unchecked progress of the Rocket
Sled brought it and Mr. Coyote into collision with the side of a mesa.

Paragraph One of the Report of Attending Physician (Exhibit B), prepared
by Dr. Ernest Grosscup, M.D., D.O., details the multiple fractures,
contusions, and tissue damage suffered by Mr. Coyote as a result of this
collision. Repair of the injuries required a full bandage around the
head (excluding the ears), a neck brace, and full or partial casts on
all four legs.

Hampered by these injuries, Mr. Coyote was nevertheless obliged to
support himself. With this in mind, he purchased of Defendant as an aid
to mobility one pair of Acme Rocket Skates. When he attempted to use
this product, however, he became involved in an accident remarkably
similar to that which occurred with the Rocket Sled.

Again, Defendant sold over the counter, without caveat, a product which
attached powerful jet engines (in this case, two) to inadequate
vehicles, with little or no provision for passenger safety. Encumbered
by his heavy casts, Mr. Coyote lost control of the Rocket Skates soon
after strapping them on, and collided with a roadside billboard so
violently as to leave a hole in the shape of his full silhouette.

Mr. Coyote states that on occasions too numerous to list in this
document he has suffered mishaps with explosives purchased of Defendant:
the Acme "Little Giant" Firecracker, the Acme Self-Guided Aerial Bomb,
etc. (For a full listing, see the Acme Mail Order Explosives Catalog and
attached deposition, entered in evidence as Exhibit C.) Indeed, it is
safe to say that not once has an explosive purchased of Defendant by Mr.
Coyote performed in an expected manner.

To cite just one example: At the expense of much time and personal
effort, Mr. Coyote constructed around the outer rim of a butte a wooden
trough beginning at the top of the butte and spiraling downward around
it to some few feet above a black X painted on the desert floor. The
trough was designed in such a way that a spherical explosive of the type
sold by Defendant would roll easily and swiftly down to the point of
detonation indicated by the X. Mr. Coyote placed a generous pile of
birdseed directly on the X, and then, carrying the spherical Ace Bomb
(Catalog #78- 832), climbed to the top of the butte. Mr. Coyote's prey,
seeing the birdseed, approached, and Mr. Coyote proceeded to light the
fuse. In an instant, the fuse burned down to the stem, causing the bomb
to detonate.

In addition to reducing all Mr. Coyote's careful preparations to naught,
the premature detonation of Defendant's product resulted in the
following disfigurements to Mr. Coyote;

1. Severe singing of the hair on the head, neck and muzzle.
2. Sooty discoloration.
3. Fracture of the left ear at the stem, causing the ear to dangle in
the aftershock with a creaking noise.
4. Full or partial combustion of whiskers, producing kinking, frazzling
and ashy disintegration.
5. Radical widening of the eyes, due to brow and lid charring.

We come now to the Acme Spring-powered Shoes. The remains of a pair of
these purchased by Mr. Coyote on June 23rd are Plaintiff's Exhibit D.
Selected fragments have been shipped to the metallurgical laboratories
of the University of California at Santa Barbra for analysis, but to
date no explanation has been found for this product's sudden and extreme
malfunction. As advertised by Defendant, this product is simplicity
itself: two wood-and-metal sandals, each attached to milled-steel
springs of high tensile strength and compressed in a tightly coiled
position by a cocking device with a lanyard release. Mr. Coyote believed
that this product would enable him to pounce upon his prey in the
initial moments of the chase, when swift reflexes are at a premium.

To increase the shoe's thrusting power still further, Mr. Coyote affixed
them by their bottoms to the side of a large boulder. Adjacent to the
boulder was a path which Mr. Coyote's prey was known to frequent. Mr.
Coyote put his hind feet in the wood-and- metal sandals and crouched in
readiness, his right forepaw holding firmly to the lanyard release.
Within a short time Mr. Coyote's prey did indeed appear on the path
coming toward him. Unsuspecting, the prey stopped near Mr. Coyote, well
within range of the springs at full extension. Mr. Coyote gauged the
distance with care and proceeded to pull the lanyard release.

At this point, Defendant's product should have thrust Mr. Coyote forward
and away from the boulder. Instead, for reasons yet unknown, the Acme
Spring-Powered Shoes thrust the boulder away from Mr. Coyote. As the
intended prey looked on unharmed, Mr. Coyote hung suspended in air. Then
the twin springs uncoiled, bringing Mr. Coyote to a violent feet-first
collision with the boulder, the full weight of his head and forequarters
falling upon his lower extremities.

The force of this impact then caused the springs to rebound, whereupon
Mr. Coyote was thrust skyward. A second recoil and collision followed.
The boulder, meanwhile, which was roughly ovoid in shape, had begun to
bounce down a hillside, the coiling and recoiling of the springs adding
to its velocity. At each bounce, Mr. Coyote came in contact with the
boulder, or the boulder came into contact with Mr. Coyote, or both came
into contact with the ground. As the grade was a long one, this process
continued for some time.

The sequence of collisions resulted in systemic physical damage to Mr.
Coyote, viz, flatting of the cranium, sideways displacement of the
tongue, reduction of length of legs and upper body, and compression of
vertebrae from base of tail to head. Repetition of blows along a
vertical axis produced a series of regular horizontal folds in Mr.
Coyote's body tissues - a rare and painful condition which caused Mr.
Coyote to expand upward and downward alternately as he walked, and to
emit an off-key, accordion like wheezing with every step. The
distracting and embarrassing nature of this symptom has been a major
impediment to Mr. Coyote's pursuit of a normal social life.

As the Count is no doubt aware, Defendant has a virtual monopoly of
manufacture and sale of goods required by Mr. Coyote's work. It is our
contention that Defendant has used its market advantage to the detriment
of the consumer of such specialized products as itching powder, giant
kites, Burmese tiger traps, anvils, and two-hundred-foot-long rubber
bands. Much as he has come to mistrust Defendant's products, Mr. Coyote
has no other source of supply to which to turn. One can only wonder what
our trading partners in Western Europe and Japan would make of such a
situation, where a giant company is allowed to victimize the consumer in
the most reckless and wrongful manner over and over again.

Mr. Coyote respectfully requests that the Court regard these larger
economic implications and assess punitive damages in the amount of
seventeen million dollars. In addition, Mr. Coyote seeks actual damages
(missed meals, medical expenses, days lost from professional occupation)
of one million dollars; general damages (mental suffering, injury to
reputation) of twenty million dollars; and attorneys' fees of seven
hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Total damages: thirty-eight million
seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars. By awarding Mr. Coyote the
full amount, this court will censure Defendant, its directors, officers,
shareholders, successors, and assigns, in the only language they
understand, and reaffirm the right of the individual predator to equal
protection under the law. ___________________________

On Wed, 28 Dec 2005 07:02:30 GMT, Erik wrote:


Watch that Wile E. Coyote, he'll sue you ass if your not careful. Check
this... There is an Acme 'reply' to this out there somewhere... thought
I had it, but guess not.

Erik
The Acme Companies Reply

UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT SOUTHWESTERN DISTRICT OF ARIZONA



________________________________

WILE E. COYOTE,

Plaintiff

v.

CIVIL ACTION NO. B19294

ACME COMPANY,

Defendant

________________________________


COUNSEL FOR DEFENDANT

By Mr. Fuddle:


Ladies and Gentleman of the jury: the opening statement you have just
heard from Mr. Schoff on behalf of the plaintiff, Wile E. Coyote,
paints an incomplete picture of what occurred on the occasions when
Mr. Coyote claims he was injured by ACME products.


The evidence will clearly show that my client, ACME Products Corp., a
Division of Dangerously Innovative Products and Patents Incorporated
(or

"DIPPI") is not at fault in this matter, and that any injuries
sustained by the plaintiff were clearly caused by his own negligence,
assumption of the risk and/or misuse of the products.


Now, we have all seen the footage on television of the plaintiff
withstanding various injuries which appear to be caused by ACME's
products. You have seen over and over the tape of a hapless coyote
being bludgeoned by a boulder as he is helplessly trapped by his ACME
Spring Loaded Shoes. We have all seen the photographs taken at Warner
Memorial Hospital of Mr. Coyote in a very small incubator, on life
support, as his doctors attempt to straighten out the accordion-like
folds from his body. We have all seen the gruesome images of the
operation in which Dr. Tazmanian D. Devil whirls like a dervish,
obscuring his features and creating a starry, "dust cloud" effect,
while numerous limbs holding various surgical instruments swiftly
repair the nerve damage to Mr. Coyote's extremities.


It is normal for any human being to feel pity, horror, and even anger
at such images. I want you to put those images aside for the moment,
because they paint an incomplete picture. What the media has not
disclosed to you, and what you will see in this courtroom, are various
attempts at murder committed by the plaintiff - attempts which,
fortunately, failed - while using my client's products. As the
plaintiff readily admits, he is a predator, and his sole function in
life is to track down and kill an innocent, highway traversing
ornithoid.


You see, ladies and gentleman, while the plaintiff is a natural
predator, he is not a very good one. His own skills were inadequate to
complete the task at hand, so he chose to seek the aid of various
devices to effectuate his diabolical schemes. He looked in a
catalogue, saw my client's products, and ordered them in the hope that
they would assist him in killing his prey.


But ladies and gentleman, ACME's products are not meant to cause
intentional harm to anyone. The plaintiff has taken what were designed
as musements, toys for the young and feebleminded, and has twisted
their use to his own purposes.


But I digress. Let us examine the plaintiff's claims and how the
evidence clearly refutes the proposition that ACME is responsible for
any harm sustained by the plaintiff.


Mr. Coyote states that on December 13 he received an ACME Rocked Sled,
that he attempted to use said rocket sled to pursue his prey, and
that, upon igniting the sled, it accelerated with "sudden and
precipitate force as to stretch Mr. Coyote's forelimbs to a length of
fifty feet."


There are several reasons why ACME cannot be held responsible for any
injuries caused by this incident. First, the warning label attached
conspicuously to the inside of the left front tire of the sled clearly
stated, and I quote: "WARNING: IGNITION OF THIS DEVICE AT FULL
THROTTLE MAY CAUSE SUDDEN AND PRECIPITATE FORCE AS TO STRETCH USER'S
FORELIMBS TO A LENGTH OF UP TO SIXTY FEET, OR MAY CAUSE DEATH." That
the plaintiff suffered so little as a result of his carelessness can
be attributed only to Providence.


Second, Arizona law is clear on this point: a plaintiff who is found
to be violating any law whose purpose is safety at the time of his
injury is contributorily negligent *per se*. There is ample evidence
that Mr. Coyote was violating both the laws of gravity and inertia at
the time of this incident, and thus he is responsible for his own
woes.


I could list many more examples of Mr. Coyote's negligent conduct in
connection with his use of ACME's products, but you will hear all
about them as the trial goes on. You will also hear the following
evidence:


(1) You will hear the plaintiff himself testify that, prior to the
injuries complained of in this accident, he has suffered numerous
injuries. As an example, on one occasion prior to the use of any ACME
product, the plaintiff cornered his prey on the edge of a rather thin
precipice. Taking an ordinary saw, the plaintiff began cutting away so
that the edge of the cliff, with his prey on it, would drop some 1500
feet to a jagged, rocky destruction. Instead, by some inexplicable
twist of fate the edge of the cliff remained standing while the whole
mountain, on which the plaintiff was standing, plummeted to the bottom
of the ravine, causing numerous injuries which affect the plaintiff to
this day.


On another occasion, Mr. Coyote was chasing his prey and followed it
off of the edge of a cliff onto thin air, not realizing until too late
that his prey, a bird, could remain in the air almost indefinitely
while he, a canine, could not. As a result, he fell yet again,
suffering even further severe and debilitating injuries which predate
the injuries complained of in this action.


(2) You will also hear the testimony of Mr. Road Runner, the
plaintiff's prey and the true victim in this tragedy. Mr. Runner has
been forced to live a nomadic lifestyle as a result of Mr. Coyote's
unwanted attention, preventing him from forming any type of long term
relationships. Numerous restraining orders had no effect. Mr. Runner
has also suffered numerous psychological problems as a result of Mr.
Coyote's actions, including but not limited to an inability to trust
anyone who provides him with bird seed, a necessary ingredient in his
daily nutritional schedule.


(3) You will also hear from a witness to many of the incidents alleged
in plaintiff's complaint, a colorful local prospector with red hair
and moustache who has been known to proclaim: "No rootin' tootin'
coyote can outsmart Yosemite Sam on any day of the week!" Don't be
fooled by his gruff manner and twin pearl-handled six-shooters, he's a
pussycat.


(4) Customer service records of defendant ACME, which we were forced
to produce in this matter, clearly show that none of the complaints
registered by ACME's customers nation-wide have ever resulted in
criminal convictions of the officers of the corporation.


(5) Finally, videotape evidence will demonstrate that plaintiff faked
many of his injuries, setting out to create performances especially
for a jury such as yourself. On numerous occasions he would "mug" for
the camera, as if he was well aware beforehand that he was being
taped. For instance, during the "Rocked Sled" incident, as his
forelimbs were stretched out ahead of him and his body remained
behind, he looked straight into the camera with a forlorn, tired
expression, as if to say: "look at how terrible my situation is, can
you guess what's going to happen to me now." This jury is too smart to
fall for such petty theatrics.


In summary, ladies and gentlemen, it will be clear to you from the
evidence that ACME's products, if used properly, will cause only
minimal injuries to a user and his loved ones. The plaintiff in this
case has brought his troubles upon himself by adopting his carnivorous
lifestyle. As others have so adequately uttered: "Live by the Super
Slick Jet Propulsion Automated Explosive Metal-Shearing Heat-Seeking
Laser-Guided Razor-Edged Boomerang, die by the Super Slick, etc."


I ask you, on behalf of my client, to dismiss the plaintiff's claims
against it.
"Pax Americana is a philosophy. Hardly an empire.
Making sure other people play nice and dont kill each other (and us)
off in job lots is hardly empire building, particularly when you give
them self determination under "play nice" rules.

Think of it as having your older brother knock the **** out of you
for torturing the cat." Gunner

Todd Airsushi wrote:

ACME ordered 300 hundred anvils from me. I have to craft them for their
next Wile E. Coyote movie. If I don't craft them until April 1st, 2006,
301 pianos will hit my head.

So how can I craft anvils ?



How come if Wile E. Coyote has enough money to buy all that ACME
hardware he doesn't just go out and buy a chicken club sandwich and a
botle of Acme Beer?

BTW, Acme brand beer is still being produced by the North Coast Brewing
Company in Fort Bragg, Caleefornia.

Jeff (Who has fond high school era memories about Acme beer in San
Francisco circa 1953.)

--
Jeffry Wisnia

(W1BSV + Brass Rat '57 EE)

"Truth exists; only falsehood has to be invented."