From: Tom Watson )
Subject: 'El Guano' - Was the Ryobi Tablesaw Thread
It is my sad (yeah, right) duty to report to you that the Ryobi BT
3000 Tablesaw (yeah, right) formerly known as El Guano has passed
away.

After a life full of insults to his person, resulting in great
disfigurement (cf: Johnny Got His Gun, Dalton Trumbo) and stresses
beyond his ability to endure - he finally passed the last of the
"magic smoke" (tm-kb) out of his motor and gave up the ghost.

The funeral was simple. The pallbearers were two of the erstwhile
employees of BFI (Brute Force and Ignorance - the regional waste
disposal borg).

His manual has been consigned to Keith Bohn, and will be kept in the
vaults of the Menomonee Falls (the town where bullwinkle lived)
Machinery and Dirty Paper Mausoleum.

In lieu of flowers, please send contributions to _ "The Fund To
Prevent Others From Buying POS Tablesaws".

For those of you who were not acquainted with him - I am reposting the
following vitae:






Newsgroups: rec.woodworking
Date: 2003-04-01 10:59:25 PST


'El Guano' first darkened the doorway of my shop at the beginning of
the last decade of the last century.

His predecessor, 'La Makita', purchased during my 'Blue Period'
(marked by the acquisition and usage of many of 'La Makita's' sorority
- Makita Chopsaw, three Makita Cordless Drills, Makita 3012 'Big Dog'
Router) had come to an unfortunate end when she leapt, lemming-like,
over the tailgate of my truck and hit the blacktop going about 55 mph.
La Femme Makita had committed sawicide.

We'll never know why - could life have been so hard? What we do know
is that my 'Yellow Period' (marked by the acquisition and usage of
Dewalt's versions of the aforementioned tools) was still some years in
the future.

I had few problems with 'La Makita'. She had been a reliable field
companion, albeit small of blade and possessed of a delicacy befitting
her gender more than the man hard world that she had been born into.
I went to the local tool emporium to seek out one of her sisters as a
replacement.

That is where I met 'El Guano'.

Of course, 'El Guano' is the 'norm de guerre' of the Ryobi BT3000 10"
Tablesaw. It sat apart from its lesser brethren, enshrined in a
razzle-dazzle display that called one and all to witness this first
iteration of a woodworking implement that was sure to become a
Classic.

Inca-like in its obvious sophistication, it called you to pay heed to
the many features bestowed upon it by those wondrous Japanese
engineers (this was 'Before The Fall' of the Rising Sun).

It could swing a 10" blade - so much more capacity than 'La Makita'.
It purred at 4800 rpm on its dual belt drive - so unlike the shrill
caterwauling of Miss Previous. A manly fence that locked both front
and back - way better than 'The Benign Miss M'. And - be still my
heart - a sliding table with a Huge miter fence. I was in awe (and
yet to be shocked).

Seeing that the hook was set, the salesman came over to reel me in.

"You're looking at the future, Tommy."

This guy had sucked a lot of money out of my wallet over the years and
thus felt very friendly towards me.

"I can see that", said the fish, "Looks like just the ticket".

(This from the man who still owns a hardly used Stanley 358A human
powered mitre (sic) box, purchased during the same year Rockwell came
out with the 9" Power Miter Box because he and everybody at the lumber
yard agreed that: 'These power miter things ain't ever gonna catch
on'.) (I'd vowed never to miss out on the Next Wave again).

The salesman went through his bit, showing me how everything was so
adjustable and everything came apart and went back together so easily
and how light the thing was when broken down into its elements and
ain't that amazing in something that could easily be a stationary shop
tool yet could bring that 'big tool' accuracy and power to the
field...

'El Guano' and I went home together.

'...and we were so happy - for a time.'

'El Guano's' manual was longer and better written than that of my
Unisaw. No Chiwanese instructions, these. And a good thing too,
because 'El Guano' was far more complicated than my Unisaw.

All those bells and whistles needed a machinist's care in order for
them to perform as advertised. Howsomever, after an elongated
courtship, we entered into the putting of wood.

'El Guano' performed flawlessly. This was going to be A Good Thing.
My field cuts were going to be tremendously improved. I was at peace.

It was out in the field where 'El Guano' began to reveal his dark
side.

Where I had thought him to be a mensch, he turned out to be a real
indoor sort of boy.

Where, prior to committing sawicide, La Femme Makita had been as butch
as a Harley riding, snuff dipping, bull dyke - 'El Guano' was to
prove himself to be a foppishly attired little poof.

The slightest bit of manhandling drove 'El Guano' into misalignment.
Attempts to snug up the slop in the fences resulted in breaking the
castings. The impressive looking switch quickly came to work only
intermittently and then not at all. The sliding table became fouled
by the least bit of sawdust. When the belts broke, they were not
immediately available and, once acquired, took a surgeon's hands to
replace. The tilt/elevation wheel stripped.

I'd been drowned by the Next Wave.

'El Guano' still goes out into the field on occasion. He has been
much repaired and much simplified in his elements, as they have broken
and disappeared. He has no switch. His movable arms have been
epoxied in place. God knows where that useless miter fence is.

To be fair, if 'El Guano' had been left to the quiet confines of the
shop, he would probably have done just fine.

He's just an indoor kind of boy.

(ps: apologies to KB for the usurpation and *******ization of the
'norm de guerre' of a truly fine machine - not, on any day of the
week, to be confused with the sorry likes of 'El Guano').



Yours in WoodDorking,

watson

On Fri, 16 Apr 2004 19:36:17 -0400, Tom Watson
wrote:

From: Tom Watson )
Subject: 'El Guano' - Was the Ryobi Tablesaw Thread
It is my sad (yeah, right) duty to report to you that the Ryobi BT
3000 Tablesaw (yeah, right) formerly known as El Guano has passed
away.

After a life full of insults to his person, resulting in great
disfigurement (cf: Johnny Got His Gun, Dalton Trumbo) and stresses
beyond his ability to endure - he finally passed the last of the
"magic smoke" (tm-kb) out of his motor and gave up the ghost.

The funeral was simple. The pallbearers were two of the erstwhile
employees of BFI (Brute Force and Ignorance - the regional waste
disposal borg).

His manual has been consigned to Keith Bohn, and will be kept in the
vaults of the Menomonee Falls (the town where bullwinkle lived)
Machinery and Dirty Paper Mausoleum.

In lieu of flowers, please send contributions to _ "The Fund To
Prevent Others From Buying POS Tablesaws".

For those of you who were not acquainted with him - I am reposting the
following vitae:




My condolences. It hurts to say goodbye to an old friend.

BTW, I thought Bullwinkle was from Frostbite Falls. :-)

Mike Patterson
Please remove the spamtrap to email me.

Tom Watson wrote:
His manual has been consigned to Keith Bohn, and will be kept in the
vaults of the Menomonee Falls (the town where bullwinkle lived)
Machinery and Dirty Paper Mausoleum.

Also known as, The Sout' End of The Tamarack Swamp.

In lieu of flowers, please send contributions to _ "The Fund To
Prevent Others From Buying POS Tablesaws".

Lest we not forget the Save The Dirty Paper Foundation?

UA100, keeper of the dirty papers at the sout' end...

For the record, Menomonee Falls is in WI. Bullwinkle was from Frostbite
Falls, MN. Big difference there. Former says "yoos guys", latter says
"uff-da".

Due to tax situation, I can't send money. But as a sign of respect, tomorrow
I am gonna throw out the Crapsman circular saw that I have been tripping
over for the last few months hoping that the blade would start to turn again
even though the motor runs. El Guano will have company that way.


"Mike Patterson" wrote in message
news
On Fri, 16 Apr 2004 19:36:17 -0400, Tom Watson
wrote:

From: Tom Watson )
Subject: 'El Guano' - Was the Ryobi Tablesaw Thread
It is my sad (yeah, right) duty to report to you that the Ryobi BT
3000 Tablesaw (yeah, right) formerly known as El Guano has passed
away.

After a life full of insults to his person, resulting in great
disfigurement (cf: Johnny Got His Gun, Dalton Trumbo) and stresses
beyond his ability to endure - he finally passed the last of the
"magic smoke" (tm-kb) out of his motor and gave up the ghost.

The funeral was simple. The pallbearers were two of the erstwhile
employees of BFI (Brute Force and Ignorance - the regional waste
disposal borg).

His manual has been consigned to Keith Bohn, and will be kept in the
vaults of the Menomonee Falls (the town where bullwinkle lived)
Machinery and Dirty Paper Mausoleum.

In lieu of flowers, please send contributions to _ "The Fund To
Prevent Others From Buying POS Tablesaws".

For those of you who were not acquainted with him - I am reposting the
following vitae:




My condolences. It hurts to say goodbye to an old friend.

BTW, I thought Bullwinkle was from Frostbite Falls. :-)

Mike Patterson
Please remove the spamtrap to email me.

I had one of those BT POS. Slipped a shim on me halfway thru my second
project with it. Took it to the scrap yard and sold the scrap. Almost paid
for the gas to get it there.

KY

bullwinkle lived in frostbite falls

Tom Watson wrote:

In lieu of flowers, please send contributions to _ "The Fund To
Prevent Others From Buying POS Tablesaws".

LOL!

--
Michael McIntyre ---- Silvan
Linux fanatic, and certified Geek; registered Linux user #243621
http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Rue/5407/

In article ,
says...
From: Tom Watson )
Subject: 'El Guano' - Was the Ryobi Tablesaw Thread
It is my sad (yeah, right) duty to report to you that the Ryobi BT
3000 Tablesaw (yeah, right) formerly known as El Guano has passed
away.
.... snip

(ps: apologies to KB for the usurpation and *******ization of the
'norm de guerre' of a truly fine machine - not, on any day of the
week, to be confused with the sorry likes of 'El Guano').



Tom, you truly have a gift for writing (now, where's the Windex? Gotta
put you on the list of "swallow before reading" posters).

Condolences on loss of the saw. (yeah, right) :-)