The encyclopaedia salesman wasn't having much luck. No one in central New
South Wales seemed all that interested in the 24-volume Britannica with year
books and the little 'assemble-it-yourself' bookstand. Not when it cost a
couple of thousand bucks.

One Friday night saw him sitting sadly in a country pub, nursing a beer. He
realised he was down to his last $50. That was that. After spending that,
he'd
be flat broke. Then, glancing around at the other blokes in the bar, who
looked inbred and stupid, inspiration struck.

"My set of encyclopaedias is worth a couple of grand retail," he said. "But
if any of you blokes can answer three questions that I select from the
information therein, I'll give the whole bloody set to you for a hundred
bucks. And if you can't answer all three questions, it's a hundred bucks to
me. What do you reckon?"

There was movement amongst the gathering and a few mumbled exchanges.
Finally a big, slow-moving bloke moved toward the salesman. "I'll have a
go," he said. There were any number of approving 'Goodonyas.' And he
slapped a $100 bill down on the bar.

This will be money for jam, thought the salesman. "First question: What is
the capital of Liberia?"

The farmer put a finger in his ear, studied the ceiling, frowned for a few
moments and, finally, said, "Monrovia". The salesman winced. Reassuring
himself it was a lucky shot - perhaps the bloke had been watching Sale of
the Century - he asked the second question. "Who was Malaysia's third Prime
Minister?"

The young farmer frowned, looked at the barmaid, looked at his mates and,
finally said, "Jeez, I think it was Tun Hussein Onn." The salesman was
astonished and leafed desperately through the pages of his encyclopaedia.

"All right, here's question three. How many people attended the closing
ceremony of the 1956 Olympic Games in Melbourne and what were their names
and addresses?"

The farmer hitched up his trousers, drank a beer, took a deep breath and
said, "Sixty-eight thousand, nine hundred and twenty-two, not including the
sheila who had to leave early to have a baby." Whereupon he began to recite
a
list of names and addresses.

It took him nearly four days. By then the salesman was devastated.
"How the hell do you know all this stuff?"

"Well," said the farmer, "I take smart pills."

The salesman realised that these must be miraculous preparations. He'd be
better off flogging them than encyclopaedias.

"Where can I get some of these smart pills?" he asked.

The farmer scratched his crotch and said, "Me dad makes them, but he reckons
I'm not allowed to tell anyone the recipe. The ingredients are a family
secret."

"But he didn't say you couldn't sell them, did he?" asked the salesman.

The farmer thought for a moment and finally said, "I suppose it would be
okay if I charged you $50 and you swallowed a couple here and now."

The salesman eagerly handed over his last $50 bill and watched as the farmer
produced a matchbox from his back pocket. "Take them all now with a middy of
beer," he instructed.

The salesman looked apprehensively at the pills but then, one by one,
swallowed them. A look of disgust appeared on his face. "Christ, these pills
taste like sheep ****."

"See," said the farmer. "You are getting smarter already."


diggerop

diggerop wrote:
The encyclopaedia salesman wasn't having much luck. No one in central New
South Wales seemed all that interested in the 24-volume Britannica with
year
books and the little 'assemble-it-yourself' bookstand. Not when it cost a
couple of thousand bucks.

snip

"See," said the farmer. "You are getting smarter already."

Groan .... where's Jo4hn when you need him!

(Still can't used to the word "bucks" with a Strine accent).

--
www.e-woodshop.net
Last update: 10/22/08
KarlC@ (the obvious)

Swingman wrote:
diggerop wrote:
The encyclopaedia salesman wasn't having much luck. No one in central New
South Wales seemed all that interested in the 24-volume Britannica
with year
books and the little 'assemble-it-yourself' bookstand. Not when it cost a
couple of thousand bucks.

snip

"See," said the farmer. "You are getting smarter already."

Groan .... where's Jo4hn when you need him!

(Still can't used to the word "bucks" with a Strine accent).

Nah. He's got too much class to spew out a story like that...

"Swingman" wrote:

"See," said the farmer. "You are getting smarter already."

Groan .... where's Jo4hn when you need him!

Version I heard involved salesmen, tooth brushes, crackers and crap.

Punch line............................

It is, want to buy a tooth brush?

Lew

Lew Hodgett wrote:
"Swingman" wrote:

"See," said the farmer. "You are getting smarter already."
Groan .... where's Jo4hn when you need him!

Version I heard involved salesmen, tooth brushes, crackers and crap.

Punch line............................

It is, want to buy a tooth brush?

Maternal grandfather told it to me, at the age of 6, while we were
feeding rabbits ... yep, rabbit pellets were the handy "smart pills".

--
www.e-woodshop.net
Last update: 10/22/08
KarlC@ (the obvious)

"Swingman" wrote

Maternal grandfather told it to me, at the age of 6, while we were feeding
rabbits ... yep, rabbit pellets were the handy "smart pills".
--
We used to bring the rabbit pellets to school and give them away as
chocolate. All the farmboys knew better. The other kids did not. They
figured out pretty quick they were not good to eat.

It was a joke back then. Can you imagine the reaction of the school
officials and parents now?? I would have been exiled if I was a "modern"
kid.

On Nov 14, 2:24*pm, "Lee Michaels"
wrote:
"Swingman" *wrote

Maternal grandfather told it to me, at the age of 6, while we were feeding
rabbits ... yep, rabbit pellets were the handy "smart pills".
--

We used to bring the rabbit pellets to school and give them away as
chocolate. *All the farmboys knew better. *The other kids did not. *They
figured out pretty quick they were not good to eat.

It was a joke back then. Can you imagine the reaction of the school
officials and parents now?? *I would have been exiled if I was a "modern"
kid.

My version I heard from my Mother, about a little black kid(with the
pills) and the school bully.

Norm

A bloke is marooned on a desert island. But he survives as there are plenty
of coconuts and fresh water. Months pass and he sees a ripple about a
hundred yards off shore. It keeps getting closer and closer until, at last,
a tall blonde in full diving gear appears.

"You poor man", she says. "How long have you been here?"

He replies that he's lost all track of time and doesn't know. What he knows
is that he's dying for a fag.

"No worries", she says, unzipping a pocket on the arm of her
wetsuit and pulling out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter.

Puffing happily, the bloke says he's in seventh heaven and she asks him if
he'd like a beer.

"Would I!" So she unzips the other pocket and pulls out a can of beer.

With a fag in one hand and a beer in the other, the bloke reckons he's got
it made. Then the blonde starts to unzip the front of her wetsuit.

"Having been here all this time," she says, "I guess you'd like to play
around."

And the bloke says, "Too right I would, but tell me, how on earth did you
fit a set of golf clubs down
there?"

diggerop

On Sun, 15 Nov 2009 18:44:35 +0800, the infamous "diggerop"
toobusy@themoment scrawled the following:

A bloke is marooned on a desert island. But he survives as there are plenty
of coconuts and fresh water. Months pass and he sees a ripple about a
hundred yards off shore. It keeps getting closer and closer until, at last,
a tall blonde in full diving gear appears.

"You poor man", she says. "How long have you been here?"

He replies that he's lost all track of time and doesn't know. What he knows
is that he's dying for a fag.

"No worries", she says, unzipping a pocket on the arm of her
wetsuit and pulling out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter.

Puffing happily, the bloke says he's in seventh heaven and she asks him if
he'd like a beer.

"Would I!" So she unzips the other pocket and pulls out a can of beer.

With a fag in one hand and a beer in the other, the bloke reckons he's got
it made. Then the blonde starts to unzip the front of her wetsuit.

"Having been here all this time," she says, "I guess you'd like to play
around."

And the bloke says, "Too right I would, but tell me, how on earth did you
fit a set of golf clubs down
there?"

And that, folks, is the true reason that all the good looking Sheilas
come up -here- for their fun.
wink, wink, nudge, nudge, knowwhatImean?

--
When we are planning for posterity,
we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary.
-- Thomas Paine

diggerop wrote:


"Having been here all this time," she says, "I guess you'd like to play
around."

And the bloke says, "Too right I would, but tell me, how on earth did
you fit a set of golf clubs down
there?"

Reminds of that old Hahn beer commercial:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cGJpRXg9gE

.... about Aussie as you can get.

--
www.e-woodshop.net
Last update: 10/22/08
KarlC@ (the obvious)