New Chemical Element Found!



Study of recent hurricane and gasoline issues have proved the existence of a
new chemical element. A major research institution has recently announced
the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.



The new element has been named:

"Governmentium (Gv)"



Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy
neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of
312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.



Governmentium is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes
every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of
Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a
second to take over four days to complete.



Governmentium has a normal half-life of four years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass
will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.



This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This
hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass. When catalyzed
with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (Am) -- an element which
radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many
peons but twice as many morons. This decays into a permanent stable element
called: Bureaucratium. It can never be destroyed.