Enjoy.
+++++++++++++++++++++++

Lew went into a pet store looking for a pet.

"Can I help you?" inquired the shopkeeper.

"I'm looking for a pet, something interesting," responded Lew.

"Well, we have this Parrot, he's $300."

"Three hundred dollars?" responded Lew, "I've been sinking a lot of
money into a boat. Don't you have anything a little less expensive?"

"Well, I have a $50 parrot."

"What's the difference between the $50 parrot and the $300 parrot?"

"The $300 bird can talk and the $50 one cannot," explained the shopkeeper.

"Why is that?"

"Well," continued the shopkeeper, "the $50 parrot has a little too much
on his beak. It keeps him from talking."

"Can it be fixed?" asked Lew.

"There's an operation," responded the shopkeeper, "but its very
delicate,and if too much is taken off the beak, it would kill the bird."

"Well, I'm a Lockheed Precision Machinist," Lew proclaimed, "and can
machine materials down to 3/1000 of an inch. I can take that excess
beak off!"

"No, no," responded the shopkeeper, "it isn't work the risk."

"I'm a Lockheed Precision Machinist," repeated Lew, "and can easily
perform that operation. I'll take the $50 bird," he said, shoving the
cash into the shopkeeper's hands.

*****************

The next day, Lew returned to the pet store with a sullen look on his face.

"I'll take the $300 parrot," he told the shopkeeper.

"What!" exclaimed the shopkeeper, "What happened to the other bird!"

"He's dead."

"You did it, didn't you," the shopkeeper angrily exclaimed, "You took
too much off the beak and killed the bird!"

"No, that' not what happened," replied Lew, shifting uneasily on his feet.

"Then what happened," demanded the shopkeeper.

"Well," replied Lew with an apologetic tone, "I crushed his head in the
vice."

"Lew Hodgett" wrote in message
ink.net...
Enjoy.
+++++++++++++++++++++++

Lew went into a pet store looking for a pet.

"Can I help you?" inquired the shopkeeper.

"I'm looking for a pet, something interesting," responded Lew.

"Well, we have this Parrot, he's $300."

"Three hundred dollars?" responded Lew, "I've been sinking a lot of money
into a boat. Don't you have anything a little less expensive?"

"Well, I have a $50 parrot."

"What's the difference between the $50 parrot and the $300 parrot?"

"The $300 bird can talk and the $50 one cannot," explained the shopkeeper.

"Why is that?"

"Well," continued the shopkeeper, "the $50 parrot has a little too much on
his beak. It keeps him from talking."

"Can it be fixed?" asked Lew.

"There's an operation," responded the shopkeeper, "but its very
delicate,and if too much is taken off the beak, it would kill the bird."

"Well, I'm a Lockheed Precision Machinist," Lew proclaimed, "and can
machine materials down to 3/1000 of an inch. I can take that excess beak
off!"

"No, no," responded the shopkeeper, "it isn't work the risk."

"I'm a Lockheed Precision Machinist," repeated Lew, "and can easily
perform that operation. I'll take the $50 bird," he said, shoving the
cash into the shopkeeper's hands.

*****************

The next day, Lew returned to the pet store with a sullen look on his
face.

"I'll take the $300 parrot," he told the shopkeeper.

"What!" exclaimed the shopkeeper, "What happened to the other bird!"

"He's dead."

"You did it, didn't you," the shopkeeper angrily exclaimed, "You took too
much off the beak and killed the bird!"

"No, that' not what happened," replied Lew, shifting uneasily on his feet.

"Then what happened," demanded the shopkeeper.

"Well," replied Lew with an apologetic tone, "I crushed his head in the
vice."


a sick mind indeed....... Parrot juice all over the shop!

Merry Christmas,

Bob S.

On Fri, 23 Dec 2005 20:19:23 GMT, Lew Hodgett
wrote:

Enjoy.
+++++++++++++++++++++++

Lew went into a pet store looking for a pet.


"Then what happened," demanded the shopkeeper.

"Well," replied Lew with an apologetic tone, "I crushed his head in the
vice."


This is sick. Really awful. But funny too. Thanks.

In article . net,
Lew Hodgett wrote:

Enjoy.
+++++++++++++++++++++++

[snippage of a very sick joke with an abundance of hilarity.]

It reminded me of a poem from years ago.. I don't remember much of it
other than it was about a birdie singing in the window..blah, blah,
yadda, yadda...and then the window was slammed shut, crushing its
skull...

which in turn (tern) reminded me of the guy who set a pound of his best
weed on fire near the nesting ground of this particular bird: he left no
tern unstoned...

Robatoy wrote:

In article . net,
Lew Hodgett wrote:

Enjoy.
+++++++++++++++++++++++

[snippage of a very sick joke with an abundance of hilarity.]

It reminded me of a poem from years ago.. I don't remember much of it
other than it was about a birdie singing in the window..blah, blah,
yadda, yadda...and then the window was slammed shut, crushing its
skull...

which in turn (tern) reminded me of the guy who set a pound of his
best weed on fire near the nesting ground of this particular bird: he
left no tern unstoned...


Then there's the parrot with strings on his legs in the pet shop. Guy
asks 'what are the strings for?' Owner says 'pull the left string he
says the Lords Prayer, pull the right string he says the 23rd Psalm.'
Guy asks 'what if you pull both strings at the same time?' Parrot says
'I'd fall on my ass you idiot!'

Then there's the burgler in a dark house and he hears a voice saying
'Jesus is watching you.' Burgler shines his flashlight around and it
lights on a parrot who says 'Jesus is watching you.' Burglar says 'Phew,
only a parrot.' Parrot says 'I am not *only* a parrot, my name is Moses'
Burglar says 'What kind of idiot would name his parrot Moses?' Parrot
says 'The same kind of idiot that named his Rottweiler Jesus'

Robatoy wrote:
In article . net,
Lew Hodgett wrote:


Enjoy.
+++++++++++++++++++++++


[snippage of a very sick joke with an abundance of hilarity.]

It reminded me of a poem from years ago.. I don't remember much of it
other than it was about a birdie singing in the window..blah, blah,
yadda, yadda...and then the window was slammed shut, crushing its
skull...

which in turn (tern) reminded me of the guy who set a pound of his best
weed on fire near the nesting ground of this particular bird: he left no
tern unstoned...
or the nude sunbathing group who left no stern untoned...
yuk,
jo4hn

To all pet-lovers,

We've heard about the parrot and the magician -- what about this
one? It concerns an old lady who wanted to buy a certain parrot but
the pet shop owner would not sell. "Madam," he said, "It is a
foul-mouthed parrot, raised at sea. His vile language would only
upset visitors to your home."

The lady persisted. She had a plan to cure the parrot of his
constant use of bad language. "Every time you swear," she says to
the parrot, "I will put you in the freezer for 30 seconds."

The parrot is duly purchased and the lady is taking her new charge
home by taxi. The taxi is caught up in a traffic jam. "What's the
f***ing hold-up?" asks the parrot. When they get home
the parrot is punished by being popped into the freezer.

He emerges 30 seconds later, shivering, and says: "That was bloody
freezing. But, tell me missus, what the f*** did the
turkey do?"

Magician takes a job on a cruise ship.

Since the guests changed every week, he performed the same show every
cruise.

He got away with this for a while, until, during one show, the Captain's
parrot, a very smart and observant fellow, started shouting "That's a
different hat", "the flowers are under the table", why are all the cards
the ace of spades", etc.

One day the ship had a terrible accident and sank.

The magician found himself floating on a piece of wood with, of course,
the parrot.

Since they both hated each other, neither one said a word for days and
days.

Finally, the parrot piped up and said "Okay, I give, where's the
boat."

Lew Hodgett wrote:
Magician takes a job on a cruise ship.

Since the guests changed every week, he performed the same show every
cruise.

He got away with this for a while, until, during one show, the Captain's
parrot, a very smart and observant fellow, started shouting "That's a
different hat", "the flowers are under the table", why are all the cards
the ace of spades", etc.

One day the ship had a terrible accident and sank.

The magician found himself floating on a piece of wood with, of course,
the parrot.

Since they both hated each other, neither one said a word for days and
days.

Finally, the parrot piped up and said "Okay, I give, where's the
boat."

I was riding a bus once upon a time, sitting a little down
from an old retired sailor. He had on his US Navy ball cap
and had the look of a grizzled old seaman.

At one stop, a young kid got on the bus and sat down across
from the old man. The kid had numerous tattoos, green, yellow
and pink hair, body and face piercings all over. The old man
lowered his paper and just stared at the boy.

The youngster took this for a while and then said: "Whats the
matter old man? Haven't you ever seen a punk rocker before?"

The old man shook his head and replied: "Oh no, its not
that.... It's just that I was ashore in Hong Kong about 20
years ago and got really drunk. So drunk that I had sex with
a parrot,.... I just thought that you might be my son!"


--
Robert Allison
Rimshot, Inc.
Georgetown, TX

In article ,
jo4hn wrote:

Robatoy wrote:
In article . net,
Lew Hodgett wrote:


Enjoy.
+++++++++++++++++++++++


[snippage of a very sick joke with an abundance of hilarity.]

It reminded me of a poem from years ago.. I don't remember much of it
other than it was about a birdie singing in the window..blah, blah,
yadda, yadda...and then the window was slammed shut, crushing its
skull...

which in turn (tern) reminded me of the guy who set a pound of his best
weed on fire near the nesting ground of this particular bird: he left no
tern unstoned...
or the nude sunbathing group who left no stern untoned...
yuk,
jo4hn

ouch