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-   -   How to build Noah's ark ??? (https://www.diybanter.com/woodworking/129765-how-build-noahs-ark.html)

Eliot Coweye November 17th 05 01:49 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
Yesterday, GOD told me that HE will punish the many sinners on Earth
again and that I have been chosen to build the Second Ark and collect
pairs of all animals and some humans who believe in GOD.

I have only 6 months before the divine punishment will begin.

But I'm not very skilled at woodworking.What do I need to build the
Second Ark ?

Please help.


Lew Hodgett November 17th 05 02:11 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
Eliot Coweye wrote:


I have only 6 months before the divine punishment will begin.



You are ****ed.

Lew

skeezics November 17th 05 02:14 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
On Thu, 17 Nov 2005 02:11:56 GMT, Lew Hodgett
wrote:

Eliot Coweye wrote:


I have only 6 months before the divine punishment will begin.



You are ****ed.

Lew


ROFLMFAO!!!!!!

skeez

Bruce Barnett November 17th 05 02:22 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
"Eliot Coweye" writes:

But I'm not very skilled at woodworking.What do I need to build the
Second Ark ?



Get a big tree (i.e. A Sequoia)
Cut away anything that doesn't look like an Ark.


--
Sending unsolicited commercial e-mail to this account incurs a fee of
$500 per message, and acknowledges the legality of this contract.

leonard November 17th 05 02:32 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
go to your local rabbi and convert to Judaism before its to late for your
soul.



Lost In Space/Woodchuck November 17th 05 02:41 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
I can e-mail you some ark building wood once you paypal me!


"Eliot Coweye" wrote in message
ups.com...
Yesterday, GOD told me that HE will punish the many sinners on Earth
again and that I have been chosen to build the Second Ark and collect
pairs of all animals and some humans who believe in GOD.

I have only 6 months before the divine punishment will begin.

But I'm not very skilled at woodworking.What do I need to build the
Second Ark ?

Please help.




TeamCasa November 17th 05 02:47 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 

"leonard" wrote in message
...
go to your local rabbi and convert to Judaism before its to late for your
soul.

Moses was Jewish


Dave



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Rick Samuel November 17th 05 02:53 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
Bill Cosby said God told Noah how to build it!!



Odinn November 17th 05 02:54 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
On 11/16/2005 9:47 PM TeamCasa mumbled something about the following:
"leonard" wrote in message
...

go to your local rabbi and convert to Judaism before its to late for your
soul.

Moses was Jewish


Dave


Point, the ark was by Noah, not Moses.

--
Odinn
RCOS #7 SENS BS ???

"The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never
worshiped anything but himself." -- Sir Richard Francis Burton

Reeky's unofficial homepage ... http://www.reeky.org
'03 FLHTI ........... http://www.sloanclan.org/gallery/ElectraGlide
'97 VN1500D ......... http://www.sloanclan.org/gallery/VulcanClassic
Atlanta Biker Net ... http://www.atlantabiker.net
Vulcan Riders Assoc . http://www.vulcanriders.org

rot13 to reply

tom November 17th 05 03:15 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 

Lew Hodgett wrote:
Eliot Coweye wrote:


I have only 6 months before the divine punishment will begin.



You are ****ed.

Lew Good job, Lew. You were the only one to trim the Anagram Troll's "scorecard newsgroup"! Tom



stoutman November 17th 05 03:18 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
Maybe you could quilt one. After all don't you think if we stop quilting
now, the whole universe will collapse?



Lee Gordon November 17th 05 03:30 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
What's a cubit?

--
To e-mail, replace "bucketofspam" with "dleegordon"

_________________________________
Lee Gordon
http://www.leegordonproductions.com



Hank Gillette November 17th 05 03:49 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
In article ,
Odinn wrote:

go to your local rabbi and convert to Judaism before its to late for your
soul.

Moses was Jewish


Dave


Point, the ark was by Noah, not Moses.


Not only that, Moses wasn't Jewish. He was a Levite.

--
Hank Gillette


Reasonable people can disagree about the conduct of the war, but it is
irresponsible for Democrats to now claim that we misled them and the American
people. -- George W. Bush

stoutman November 17th 05 04:25 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
This goof ball seems to hit a lot of newsgroups.

http://groups.google.com/groups?q=%2...oweye%22&hl=en



leonard November 17th 05 04:49 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
A Levite is one other tribes of the Jews


"Hank Gillette" wrote in message
...
In article ,
Odinn wrote:

go to your local rabbi and convert to Judaism before its to late for
your
soul.

Moses was Jewish


Dave


Point, the ark was by Noah, not Moses.


Not only that, Moses wasn't Jewish. He was a Levite.

--
Hank Gillette


Reasonable people can disagree about the conduct of the war, but it is
irresponsible for Democrats to now claim that we misled them and the
American
people. -- George W. Bush




leonard November 17th 05 04:52 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
the distance from your knuckle on the middle finger to the elbow is a cubit


"Lee Gordon" wrote in message
. ..
What's a cubit?

--
To e-mail, replace "bucketofspam" with "dleegordon"

_________________________________
Lee Gordon
http://www.leegordonproductions.com




J T November 17th 05 05:32 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
Wed, Nov 16, 2005, 5:49pm (EST-3)
(Eliot*Coweye) did burble:
snip
I have only 6 months before the divine punishment will begin.
But I'm not very skilled at woodworking.What do I need to build the
Second Ark ?

Punishment is divine? You're a sick puppy, and need help..

The word is, Noah got boatbuilding directions, from God. If God
didn't see fit to give you any boatbuilding directions, looks like
you're being screwed with. And screwed.

The Woodworking Gods tell me I've got nothing to worry about.



JOAT
Just pretend I'm not here. That's what I'm doing.


J T November 17th 05 05:39 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
Wed, Nov 16, 2005, 11:52pm (leonard) doth
say:
the distance from your knuckle on the middle finger to the elbow is a
cubit

Ah, so if we hold up our middle finger to this guy, he can see a
cubit.



JOAT
Just pretend I'm not here. That's what I'm doing.


JLarsson November 17th 05 06:27 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 

Eliot Coweye ate something that disagreed with him and hurled the
following:
Yesterday, GOD told me that HE will punish the many sinners on Earth
again and that I have been chosen to build the Second Ark and collect
pairs of all animals and some humans who believe in GOD.

I have only 6 months before the divine punishment will begin.

But I'm not very skilled at woodworking.What do I need to build the
Second Ark ?

Please help.


Easy. Gopher wood, about 11,000,000 bf. Pitch - figure 75,000 gallons
for two coats, in and out. You can thin the first coat and 'wipe-on',
but the second coat should be brushed. You'll need 3 sons, preferably
the extra-husky variety. Hand tools are de rigeur, of course. You'll
also need 100 years to build this sucker. IF you should live so long
and actually finish the job, God said HE would bring the animals.
Don't forget several extra packs of playing cards as the elephants are
fond of sitting on the "deck".


tom November 17th 05 08:28 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
I'm still awake trying to figure out the anagram. Word puzzles were
never my forte, and boy Did/do I suck at English. Pretty pathetic too,
no? Tom


tom November 17th 05 08:29 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
D'oh! I broke my own damn rule, again! Tom


Odinn November 17th 05 12:30 PM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
On 11/16/2005 10:49 PM Hank Gillette mumbled something about the following:
In article ,
Odinn wrote:


go to your local rabbi and convert to Judaism before its to late for your
soul.


Moses was Jewish


Dave


Point, the ark was by Noah, not Moses.



Not only that, Moses wasn't Jewish. He was a Levite.


True, I did forget that point as well.

--
Odinn
RCOS #7 SENS BS ???

"The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never
worshiped anything but himself." -- Sir Richard Francis Burton

Reeky's unofficial homepage ... http://www.reeky.org
'03 FLHTI ........... http://www.sloanclan.org/gallery/ElectraGlide
'97 VN1500D ......... http://www.sloanclan.org/gallery/VulcanClassic
Atlanta Biker Net ... http://www.atlantabiker.net
Vulcan Riders Assoc . http://www.vulcanriders.org

rot13 to reply

Robatoy November 17th 05 02:09 PM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
In article . com,
"Eliot Coweye" wrote:

What do I need to build the
Second Ark ?


You need friends in high places at Halliburton. They specialize in
no-bid large contracts.

Jim November 17th 05 03:10 PM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 

"Eliot Coweye" wrote in message
ups.com...
Yesterday, GOD told me that HE will punish the many sinners on Earth
again and that I have been chosen to build the Second Ark and collect
pairs of all animals and some humans who believe in GOD.

I have only 6 months before the divine punishment will begin.

But I'm not very skilled at woodworking.What do I need to build the
Second Ark ?

Please help.

Find Noah. Get his plans. Get to work.
Jim



Joe_Stein November 17th 05 04:35 PM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
Not only that, Moses wasn't Jewish. He was a Levite.


Does that mean he wore jeans?

Larry Jaques November 17th 05 11:59 PM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 
On Thu, 17 Nov 2005 15:10:06 GMT, with neither quill nor qualm, "Jim"
quickly quoth:


"Eliot Coweye" wrote in message
oups.com...
Yesterday, GOD told me that HE will punish the many sinners on Earth
again and that I have been chosen to build the Second Ark and collect
pairs of all animals and some humans who believe in GOD.

I have only 6 months before the divine punishment will begin.

But I'm not very skilled at woodworking.What do I need to build the
Second Ark ?

Please help.

Find Noah. Get his plans. Get to work.


I believe the full plans are spoken on Bill Cosby's album.
Check here, Eliot:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...=5174&v=glance

--
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Ban SUVs today! -|- Full Service Websites

Tristan Beeline November 30th 05 02:04 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 

I hope for you that you're telling us the truth, because GOD still owns
the COPYRIGHT of the ark and he won't accept copyright violations,
that's for sure.

So please don't build a "pirate ark" or it's a divine lawsuit for you
and you'll probably sentenced to all eternity in HELL.


Vitor November 30th 05 04:19 AM

How to build Noah's ark ???
 

Tristan Beeline wrote:
I hope for you that you're telling us the truth, because GOD still owns
the COPYRIGHT of the ark and he won't accept copyright violations,
that's for sure.

So please don't build a "pirate ark" or it's a divine lawsuit for you
and you'll probably sentenced to all eternity in HELL.


So the mighty anagram troll is cheating!!! Answering his own messages
in his score newsgroup!!!



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