Hi all,

Several times over the last year or so I've been in B&Q looking for odd bits that aren't readily available elsewhere. At various times, I've often felt that I was being watched. Some shadowy figure caught my attention from the corner of my eye. On each occasion I've turned round to find it was a life size cardboard cut out of Alan Titchmarsh grinning at me in a slightly sinister way. I never get used to this; it always creeps me out now matter how often it happens. I was just wondering if anyone else had the same experience or if it was just me being paranoid. What do you think?

Are you quite sure that is it wasn't the real Alan Titchmarsh just standing
very, very still?

Bert

On 01/11/2012 22:07, wrote:

Hi all,

Several times over the last year or so I've been in B&Q looking for
odd bits that aren't readily available elsewhere. At various times,
I've often felt that I was being watched. Some shadowy figure caught
my attention from the corner of my eye. On each occasion I've turned
round to find it was a life size cardboard cut out of Alan Titchmarsh
grinning at me in a slightly sinister way. I never get used to this;
it always creeps me out now matter how often it happens. I was just
wondering if anyone else had the same experience or if it was just me
being paranoid. What do you think?

Yeah, we saw you!


--
Cheers,

John.

/================================================== ===============\
| Internode Ltd - http://www.internode.co.uk |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------|
| John Rumm - john(at)internode(dot)co(dot)uk |
\================================================= ================/

wrote:
Hi all,

Several times over the last year or so I've been in B&Q looking for odd bits

that aren't readily available elsewhere. At various times, I've often
felt that

I was being watched. Some shadowy figure caught my attention from the
corner of

my eye. On each occasion I've turned round to find it was a life size
cardboard

cut out of Alan Titchmarsh grinning at me in a slightly sinister way. I
never get

used to this; it always creeps me out now matter how often it happens. I
was just

wondering if anyone else had the same experience or if it was just me being

paranoid. What do you think?
Our B & Q has cardboard cutouts of a thirtyish blonde shop assistant.
Although she is very average looking, when I try to be objective, the
fact that I see her so often, smiling at me in an enigmatic and but
somehow welcoming way, always there, always the same, always clean and
tidy but somehow businesslike, had led me to fall in love with her. At
night she is in my dreams. She is definitely my kind of girl, always
ready for pillow talk on subjects like grouting and the installation of
toilets. I find an excuse to visit B & Q almost every day. The image of
my lover stands near the bathroom display, so I often nip into a shower
cubicle and leave the door open slightly so I can look at her as I
masturbate. Do you think my behaviour is normal? The store manager at
our local branch didn't seem to think so last week. I haven't been back
there since, because I've discovered that my lover is in another branch
as well. It isn't quite as good though because she isn't near the
bathroom area; she's in the gardening department. I feel rather exposed
getting my tackle out with only a few large plants for cover, and the
nearby display of hedge cutters is somehow rather inhibiting.

Fred Stubber

Well, I think its pretty normal. We are attuned to watch out for danger
after all, and I doubt if the brain has evolved to tell the difference
between cardboard cutouts and the real thinng as yet. Those cardboard cut
out police cars on bridges work after all.

Brian

--
From the Sofa of Brian Gaff Reply address is active
wrote in message
...

Hi all,

Several times over the last year or so I've been in B&Q looking for odd bits
that aren't readily available elsewhere. At various times, I've often felt
that I was being watched. Some shadowy figure caught my attention from the
corner of my eye. On each occasion I've turned round to find it was a life
size cardboard cut out of Alan Titchmarsh grinning at me in a slightly
sinister way. I never get used to this; it always creeps me out now matter
how often it happens. I was just wondering if anyone else had the same
experience or if it was just me being paranoid. What do you think?

Oh dear.. Kind of made me think of the 10cc song, I'm Mandy Fly me for some
obscure reason.

Brian

--
From the Sofa of Brian Gaff Reply address is active
"Bill Wright" wrote in message
...
wrote:
Hi all,

Several times over the last year or so I've been in B&Q looking for odd
bits

that aren't readily available elsewhere. At various times, I've often felt
that

I was being watched. Some shadowy figure caught my attention from the
corner of

my eye. On each occasion I've turned round to find it was a life size
cardboard

cut out of Alan Titchmarsh grinning at me in a slightly sinister way. I
never get

used to this; it always creeps me out now matter how often it happens. I
was just

wondering if anyone else had the same experience or if it was just me
being

paranoid. What do you think?
Our B & Q has cardboard cutouts of a thirtyish blonde shop assistant.
Although she is very average looking, when I try to be objective, the fact
that I see her so often, smiling at me in an enigmatic and but somehow
welcoming way, always there, always the same, always clean and tidy but
somehow businesslike, had led me to fall in love with her. At night she is
in my dreams. She is definitely my kind of girl, always ready for pillow
talk on subjects like grouting and the installation of toilets. I find an
excuse to visit B & Q almost every day. The image of my lover stands near
the bathroom display, so I often nip into a shower cubicle and leave the
door open slightly so I can look at her as I masturbate. Do you think my
behaviour is normal? The store manager at our local branch didn't seem to
think so last week. I haven't been back there since, because I've
discovered that my lover is in another branch as well. It isn't quite as
good though because she isn't near the bathroom area; she's in the
gardening department. I feel rather exposed getting my tackle out with
only a few large plants for cover, and the nearby display of hedge cutters
is somehow rather inhibiting.

Fred Stubber

Many years ago, when I was working, the staff fitted out a life-size
dummy to look like a masked burgler. It was part of a display to
encourage Home Ins cover.

At the end of each working day the dummy was placed in the Managers
Office, out of sight.

During the weekend a passenger on the top flight of a passing bus saw
the dummy through a small window in to the office and reported the
"break-in" to Police.

Resulting in key holder call out to attend police investigation.

km

On 02/11/2012 09:02, Brian Gaff wrote:
Well, I think its pretty normal. We are attuned to watch out for danger
after all, and I doubt if the brain has evolved to tell the difference
between cardboard cutouts and the real thinng as yet. Those cardboard cut
out police cars on bridges work after all.



Only in dry weather presumably. A job for weatherproof mdf?

wrote:
Hi all,

. On each occasion I've turned round to find it was a life size cardboard
cut out of Alan Titchmarsh

I've always thought that if you cut a bit out of Alan Tichmarsh it would
turn out to be cardboard.

--
€¢DarWin|
_/ _/

On Nov 1, 10:07*pm, wrote:
Hi all,

Several times over the last year or so I've been in B&Q looking for odd bits that aren't readily available elsewhere. At various times, I've often felt that I was being watched. Some shadowy figure caught my attention from the corner of my eye. On each occasion I've turned round to find it was a life size cardboard cut out of Alan Titchmarsh grinning at me in a slightly sinister way. I never get used to this; it always creeps me out now matter how often it happens. I was just wondering if anyone else had the same experience or if it was just me being paranoid. What do you think?

Just don't break eye contact.

MBQ

On Fri, 02 Nov 2012 02:26:36 +0000, Bill Wright wrote:
Our B & Q has cardboard cutouts of a thirtyish blonde shop assistant.
Although she is very average looking, when I try to be objective, the
fact that I see her so often, smiling at me in an enigmatic and but
somehow welcoming way, always there, always the same, always clean and
tidy but somehow businesslike, had led me to fall in love with her. At
night she is in my dreams. She is definitely my kind of girl, always
ready for pillow talk on subjects like grouting and the installation of
toilets. I find an excuse to visit B & Q almost every day. The image of
my lover stands near the bathroom display, so I often nip into a shower
cubicle and leave the door open slightly so I can look at her as I
masturbate. Do you think my behaviour is normal? The store manager at
our local branch didn't seem to think so last week. I haven't been back
there since, because I've discovered that my lover is in another branch
as well. It isn't quite as good though because she isn't near the
bathroom area; she's in the gardening department. I feel rather exposed
getting my tackle out with only a few large plants for cover, and the
nearby display of hedge cutters is somehow rather inhibiting.

.... and when you woke up, your cereal box was gone.

On Fri, 02 Nov 2012 10:31:20 +0000, stuart noble wrote:

On 02/11/2012 09:02, Brian Gaff wrote:
Well, I think its pretty normal. We are attuned to watch out for danger
after all, and I doubt if the brain has evolved to tell the difference
between cardboard cutouts and the real thinng as yet. Those cardboard
cut out police cars on bridges work after all.

Only in dry weather presumably. A job for weatherproof mdf?

Or a large umbrella, but that might give the game away... well, unless
they made real police cars have large umbrellas on the roof, too.

On Fri, 02 Nov 2012 10:45:13 +0000, Steve Firth wrote:

wrote:
Hi all,

. On each occasion I've turned round to find it was a life size
cardboard
cut out of Alan Titchmarsh

I've always thought that if you cut a bit out of Alan Tichmarsh it would
turn out to be cardboard.

Nah, he's 100% Ryvita.

In article -
september.org, says...

wrote:
Hi all,

. On each occasion I've turned round to find it was a life size cardboard
cut out of Alan Titchmarsh

I've always thought that if you cut a bit out of Alan Tichmarsh it would
turn out to be cardboard.

I forbid anyone to take cuttings of Tichmarsh.

I know that it's unlikely, but just imagine what it would be like if
some of those cuttings should take!

shudder

--
Sam

On 2/11/2012 3:26 p.m., Bill Wright wrote:

Our B & Q has cardboard cutouts of a thirtyish blonde shop assistant.
Although she is very average looking, when I try to be objective, the
fact that I see her so often, smiling at me in an enigmatic and but
somehow welcoming way, always there, always the same, always clean and
tidy but somehow businesslike, had led me to fall in love with her. At
night she is in my dreams. She is definitely my kind of girl, always
ready for pillow talk on subjects like grouting and the installation of
toilets. I find an excuse to visit B & Q almost every day. The image of
my lover stands near the bathroom display, so I often nip into a shower
cubicle and leave the door open slightly so I can look at her as I
masturbate. Do you think my behaviour is normal? The store manager at
our local branch didn't seem to think so last week. I haven't been back
there since, because I've discovered that my lover is in another branch
as well. It isn't quite as good though because she isn't near the
bathroom area; she's in the gardening department. I feel rather exposed
getting my tackle out with only a few large plants for cover, and the
nearby display of hedge cutters is somehow rather inhibiting.

Fred Stubber

LOL!!

On 03/11/2012 01:51, Gib Bogle wrote:
On 2/11/2012 3:26 p.m., Bill Wright wrote:

Our B & Q has cardboard cutouts of a thirtyish blonde shop assistant.
Although she is very average looking, when I try to be objective, the
fact that I see her so often, smiling at me in an enigmatic and but
somehow welcoming way, always there, always the same, always clean and
tidy but somehow businesslike, had led me to fall in love with her. At
night she is in my dreams. She is definitely my kind of girl, always
ready for pillow talk on subjects like grouting and the installation of
toilets. I find an excuse to visit B & Q almost every day. The image of
my lover stands near the bathroom display, so I often nip into a shower
cubicle and leave the door open slightly so I can look at her as I
masturbate. Do you think my behaviour is normal? The store manager at
our local branch didn't seem to think so last week. I haven't been back
there since, because I've discovered that my lover is in another branch
as well. It isn't quite as good though because she isn't near the
bathroom area; she's in the gardening department. I feel rather exposed
getting my tackle out with only a few large plants for cover, and the
nearby display of hedge cutters is somehow rather inhibiting.

Fred Stubber

LOL!!

Dear oh dear. Creepy indeed, as in Saville creepy.
Off to B&Q then.....

YES I HAVE! I thought it was just me!

That's really him by the way - he really is that false!

A local-ish shop had a cardboard policeman guarding the table of
second-hand books in aid of a charity.




PCSO if you please. Show some respect!

mark

On 08/11/2012 18:35, The Medway Handyman wrote:

Plastic Policemen as they are known :-)


Wombles. They pick up the rubbish after an incident...

Andy

On 07/11/2012 14:13, mark wrote:
A local-ish shop had a cardboard policeman guarding the table of
second-hand books in aid of a charity.




PCSO if you please. Show some respect!

mark



Plastic Policemen as they are known :-)


--
Dave - The Medway Handyman www.medwayhandyman.co.uk