A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a
gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the
activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung
around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less
adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch
breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled
her immensely. At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented
her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins.
The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they
take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little
girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had
a 'pay packet'.
'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and
Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the
house again next week?'
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
'I think so. Provided those ******s at Jewsons deliver the ****ing bricks.'


--
Phil L
RSRL Tipster Of The Year 2008

"Phil L" wrote in message
...
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a
gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all
the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She
hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or
less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch
breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled
her immensely. At the end of the first week, the smiling builders
presented her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins.
The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they
take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little
girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she
had a 'pay packet'.
'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and
Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the
house again next week?'
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
'I think so. Provided those ******s at Jewsons deliver the ****ing
bricks.'

That reminds me of Petal -

Young Petal was walking her dog in the park one morning when she came upon a
tramp on a park bench.
Hello little girl he said, what's your name?
My name is Petal, she said.
What a lovely name said the tramp, how did you get that name?
Well, said Petal, when my mummy was expecting me, she and daddy came into
this park one day and sat under a tree.
Suddenly, a petal fell onto mummys tummy and mummy and daddy said that if
they had a girl they would call her Petal.
What a lovely story, said the tramp, and what's your dogs name?
O, said Petal, we call him Porky.
That's a strange name for a dog, said the tramp, why do you call him Porky?
O, said Petal, because he ****s pigs.

"Phil L" wrote in message
...
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a
gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all
the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She
hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or
less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch
breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled
her immensely. At the end of the first week, the smiling builders
presented her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins.
The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they
take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little
girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she
had a 'pay packet'.
'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and
Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the
house again next week?'
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
'I think so. Provided those ******s at Jewsons deliver the ****ing
bricks.'



Seems similar to the story in this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iGoM...eature=related


mark

Phil L wrote:
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a
gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the
activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung
around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less
adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch
breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled
her immensely. At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented
her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins.
The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they
take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little
girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had
a 'pay packet'.
'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and
Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the
house again next week?'
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
'I think so. Provided those ******s at Jewsons deliver the ****ing bricks.'



I first read this in Bill Bryson's book "Down Under" ooh 10 years ago.

Phil L wrote:

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the
house again next week?'
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
'I think so. Provided those ******s at Jewsons deliver the ****ing bricks.'

IMHO the curious thing is that each time this story comes up, it's
always about Jewson's, but the descriptor changes from "******s" to
"*******s" to "****s" to "pricks" and back to "******s" again.

Must be something to that.
http://groups.google.co.uk/groups?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&hl=en-GB&rlz=1T4ADBF_en-GB___GB241&q=%22deliver+the+****ing+bricks%22

(Talking of precocious small girls - has anyone listened to "Little
Becky" on t'internet? She did a series of prank calls on an Irish radio
station and I have to say they are quite funny:
http://www.johntedwards.com/2006/10/15/little-irish-girl-prank-calls/)

David

On Mon, 09 Mar 2009 20:17:09 +0000, Lobster wrote:

http://www.johntedwards.com/2006/10/15/little-irish-girl-prank-calls/)

Which takes us nicely to the Radio Cork phone-in:
http://stumbles.org.uk/John/rec/Radio_Cork.jpg


--
John Stumbles

Press any key to continue or any other key to exit

Phil L wrote:
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a
gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the
activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung
around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less
adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch
breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled
her immensely. At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented
her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins.
The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they
take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little
girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had
a 'pay packet'.
'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and
Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the
house again next week?'
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
'I think so. Provided those ******s at Jewsons deliver the ****ing bricks.'


MM. My niece, whose father is also similarly well spoken, was heard to
remark at school that 'Portillo is half a queen and Mandleson is a
waving arse bandit, miss'..when asked what the kids knew about the
politicians of the time..

Phil L wrote:
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a
gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the
activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung
around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less
adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch
breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled
her immensely. At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented
her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins.
The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they
take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little
girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had
a 'pay packet'.
'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and
Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the
house again next week?'
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
'I think so. Provided those ******s at Jewsons deliver the ****ing bricks.'



Thanks for the chuckle :-)

--
David in Normandy.
To e-mail you must include the password FROG on the
subject line, or it will be automatically deleted
by a filter and not reach my inbox.

"Phil L" wrote in message
...
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a
gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all
the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She
hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or
less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch
breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled
her immensely. At the end of the first week, the smiling builders
presented her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins.
The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they
take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little
girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she
had a 'pay packet'.
'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and
Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the
house again next week?'
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
'I think so. Provided those ******s at Jewsons deliver the ****ing
bricks.'


--
Phil L
RSRL Tipster Of The Year 2008


If it were true, and it happened now, all of those builders would probably
now be languishing in jail, awaiting conviction for being child perverts ...

Arfa

Arfa Daily wrote:

If it were true, and it happened now, all of those builders would probably
now be languishing in jail, awaiting conviction for being child perverts ...

And paying below minimum wage.

In article , Arfa Daily wrote:
"Phil L" wrote in message
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a
gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.
[...]
If it were true, and it happened now, all of those builders would probably
now be languishing in jail, awaiting conviction for being child perverts ...

The punchline was slightly different last time I heard it (and it
was the family's own conservatory). Now, it could be that it really
truely happened, twice, in very slightly different situations....

"Phil L" wrote in message
...
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a
gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all
the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She
hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or
less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch
breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled
her immensely. At the end of the first week, the smiling builders
presented her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins.
The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they
take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little
girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she
had a 'pay packet'.
'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and
Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the
house again next week?'
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
'I think so. Provided those ******s at Jewsons deliver the ****ing
bricks.'


Such a relief that this sort of thing couldn't happen in the UK's modern
construction workplace (unless she could speak fluent Polish of course!)

Phil

In article ,
TheScullster wrote:
Such a relief that this sort of thing couldn't happen in the UK's modern
construction workplace (unless she could speak fluent Polish of course!)

The Polish workers soon learn English swear words.

--
*One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.

Dave Plowman London SW
To e-mail, change noise into sound.

Brass Monkey wrote:
"Phil L" wrote in message
SNIP

That reminds me of Petal -
SNIP

You might like this, it can be modified to suit...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I dreamed that Doctor Drivel died and unfortunately went to Hell. It was as
awful as he expected, so after a week he asked the devil if it was possible
to get out.

The only way out apparently, was to satisfy the ugliest woman ever created.

She was 23 stone, covered in warts, hairy in all the wrong places and had
appalling B.O.

Doctor Drivel tried to make love to this hideous creature in his desperation
to escape. On the fourth try he succeeded in satisfying her.

As he left the room, trying not to retch, he noticed another bedroom door
slightly ajar. Looking in he saw Dennis making love to a stunning 36-22-36
eighteen-year-old blue eyed blonde.

He rushed up to the devil and complained about this unfair treatment. The
devil stopped him and said, "You don't understand. Women want to get out as
well you know!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------


--
Dave - The Medway Handyman
www.medwayhandyman.co.uk



--
Dave - The Medway Handyman
www.medwayhandyman.co.uk

On Mar 10, 6:42*pm, "The Medway Handyman"
wrote:


Doctor Drivel tried to make love to this hideous creature in his desperation
to escape. *On the fourth try he succeeded in satisfying her.


It would never take Drivel four tries. He's an expert at servicing
boilers.

"The Medway Handyman" wrote in message
...
Brass Monkey wrote:
"Phil L" wrote in message
SNIP

That reminds me of Petal -
SNIP

You might like this, it can be modified to suit...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I dreamed that Doctor Drivel died and unfortunately went to Hell. It was
as awful as he expected, so after a week he asked the devil if it was
possible to get out.

The only way out apparently, was to satisfy the ugliest woman ever
created.

She was 23 stone, covered in warts, hairy in all the wrong places and had
appalling B.O.

Doctor Drivel tried to make love to this hideous creature in his
desperation to escape. On the fourth try he succeeded in satisfying her.

As he left the room, trying not to retch, he noticed another bedroom door
slightly ajar. Looking in he saw Dennis making love to a stunning
36-22-36 eighteen-year-old blue eyed blonde.

He rushed up to the devil and complained about this unfair treatment. The
devil stopped him and said, "You don't understand. Women want to get out
as well you know!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------


--
Dave - The Medway Handyman
www.medwayhandyman.co.uk

Lets see how low we can go.


When I was released from Armley the first thing I wanted was a woman. The
prostitute I met was a little dry and and I complained. The whore then
turned around and played with herself for a few seconds was then was
dripping wet. After I had ****ed her I asked her how she made herself so wet
so quickly. She replied "I just picked the scabs off"

Adam

In message , "Dave Plowman (News)"
writes
In article ,
TheScullster wrote:
Such a relief that this sort of thing couldn't happen in the UK's modern
construction workplace (unless she could speak fluent Polish of course!)

The Polish workers soon learn English swear words.


The first things you learn in a foreign country are food and drink,
parts of the body and swear words. But not necessarily in that order.
--
Peter

Ying tong iddle-i po!

Owain wrote:
Dave Plowman (News) wrote:
TheScullster wrote:
Such a relief that this sort of thing couldn't happen in the UK's
modern construction workplace (unless she could speak fluent Polish
of course!)
The Polish workers soon learn English swear words.

I'm not surprised if they buy their bricks from ******s.

I don't know why the Poles are opening Polish delicatessens. Polish
builders' merchants would appear to offer better opportunities for
vertical integration.

Owain

Like the sentiments.

But are there any independent BMs left these days? I'd hazard a guess
that it would not be viable to run just one.

Starting a whole chain sounds a bit of a tall order.

--
Rod

Hypothyroidism is a seriously debilitating condition with an insidious
onset.
Although common it frequently goes undiagnosed.
www.thyromind.info www.thyroiduk.org www.altsupportthyroid.org

On Wed, 11 Mar 2009 07:21:22 UTC, Rod wrote:

But are there any independent BMs left these days? I'd haza

We have one 400 yards away...!

--
The information contained in this post is copyright the
poster, and specifically may not be published in, or used by
http://www.diybanter.com

On 11 Mar 2009 07:46:39 GMT, Bob Eager wrote:

But are there any independent BMs left these days? I'd haza

We have one 400 yards away...!

Matthew Charlton in Hexham.
There is another yard near Charlton Village near Penrith, can't remember
the name.
Dove in Hexham (though that could be considered a small chain as they have
a handful of depots).
Althams in Penrith. Not sure they use that name anymore as there was some
form of take over a few years back, they weren't taken over by Wickes/B&Q
etc though.
Penrith Building Supplies, in Penrith...

--
Cheers
Dave.

Rod wrote:

But are there any independent BMs left these days? I'd hazard a guess
that it would not be viable to run just one.

Frank Key's in Nottingham

"Bob Eager" wrote in message
...
On Wed, 11 Mar 2009 07:21:22 UTC, Rod wrote:

But are there any independent BMs left these days? I'd haza

We have one 400 yards away...!

--
The information contained in this post is copyright the
poster, and specifically may not be published in, or used by
http://www.diybanter.com

1 mile from me ...

Arfa

Arfa Daily wrote:
"Bob Eager" wrote in message
...
On Wed, 11 Mar 2009 07:21:22 UTC, Rod wrote:

But are there any independent BMs left these days? I'd haza
We have one 400 yards away...!


1 mile from me ...

Arfa


OK folks! The only independent one near us I can think of that was taken
over a few years ago (has become a Buildbase). The rest are small or
large chains (e.g. Jewsons * 2, Grant & Stone - small chain). We do have
one that specialises in fencing, blocks, sand, etc.

--
Rod

Hypothyroidism is a seriously debilitating condition with an insidious
onset.
Although common it frequently goes undiagnosed.
www.thyromind.info www.thyroiduk.org www.altsupportthyroid.org

On Wed, 11 Mar 2009 01:21:57 +0000, Owain wrote:

I don't know why the Poles are opening Polish delicatessens. Polish
builders' merchants would appear to offer better opportunities for
vertical integration.

Our local SELCO is more-or-less that :-)

--
John Stumbles

I'm more non-competitive than you