Dear Abby, My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from
the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's
worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also,
since he lost his job eight years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new
one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and B.S. with
his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went
away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may
be a lesbian. What should I do? Signed: Clueless -------------

Dear Clueless, Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman - you don't need
him anymore! You're a United States Senator fr om New York running for
President of the United States. Act like one.=

this was on "joke of the day" yesterday. i thought some of the capitalists
here would like it, maybe the anti-union/union people too.


Wise Old Man

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high
school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and
contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three
young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street,
beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion
continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time
to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they
banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a
lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I
used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll
give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do
your thing."

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had
a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my
income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents
to beat on the cans."

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and
continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree
approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm
not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"

"A freakin' quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going
to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No
way, dude. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest
of his days.