Leo Lichtman wrote:
Rich, how many feminists dous it take to call you a jerk?

ANSWER: None. It's obvious.



I try to defend women as much as I can. But, after the umpteenth
time my wife has smacked up her van, which now looks like it had a
bad experience with a car crusher, I complained that there wasn't a
square foot anywhere on the van that was free of damage. She had a
fit, so we went out and looked. We could not find ONE area that
was not damaged. Well, maybe one square foot, but just barely.
She recently rammed into a lighting pole in a parking lot she parks in
daily with the driver's side door, wiping out the mirror and door
handle, and caving in the frame just behind the door. This was in
broad daylight, on a clear sunny day! I can see how it is possible
to ram such a pole with the PASSENGER'S side door, as it is some
distance away, but she slammed into the pole when it was literally
less than a FOOT from her nose! This isn't a scratch, it is probably
a $2500 repair, if it is even possible to repair it at all.

She has rammed those pillars at the bank that keep you from plowing
into the ATMs so many times the van now has a two-tone paint job.
The bottom 18" is yellow from the paint scraped off the pillars!

I will eventually have to get a picture of the thing and find a suitable
web page to put it on. It probably has more body damage that that
picture of what I'm guessing is a New Orleans parking lot after Katrina
has on all the cars combined.

Jon

"Jon Elson" wrote in message
...
| Leo Lichtman wrote:
| Rich, how many feminists dous it take to call you a jerk?
|
| ANSWER: None. It's obvious.
|
|
|
| I try to defend women as much as I can. But, after the umpteenth
| time my wife has smacked up her van, .....


Now, now. I'll tell you what I've been telling my sons about women
since they decided to listen to me on the subject:

Rule number 1: Women make all the rules.
Rule number 2: Women reserve the right to change the rules at any time, for
any reason, without prior notification.
Rule number 3: When in doubt, refer to rule number 1.

I don't think there's been much else that I can say on the subject. All
else falls under rule number 3 as far as I'm concerned.

Jon Elson wrote:
Leo Lichtman wrote:

Rich, how many feminists dous it take to call you a jerk?

ANSWER: None. It's obvious.


I try to defend women as much as I can. But, after the umpteenth
time my wife has smacked up her van, which now looks like it had a
bad experience with a car crusher, I complained that there wasn't a
square foot anywhere on the van that was free of damage. She had a
fit, so we went out and looked. We could not find ONE area that
was not damaged. Well, maybe one square foot, but just barely.
She recently rammed into a lighting pole in a parking lot she parks in
daily with the driver's side door, wiping out the mirror and door
handle, and caving in the frame just behind the door. This was in
broad daylight, on a clear sunny day! I can see how it is possible
to ram such a pole with the PASSENGER'S side door, as it is some
distance away, but she slammed into the pole when it was literally
less than a FOOT from her nose! This isn't a scratch, it is probably
a $2500 repair, if it is even possible to repair it at all.

She has rammed those pillars at the bank that keep you from plowing
into the ATMs so many times the van now has a two-tone paint job.
The bottom 18" is yellow from the paint scraped off the pillars!

I will eventually have to get a picture of the thing and find a suitable
web page to put it on. It probably has more body damage that that
picture of what I'm guessing is a New Orleans parking lot after Katrina
has on all the cars combined.

Jon

Haven't figured it out yet?...... She doesn't like driving a Van!!! Put
her in a Mercedes and you won't find a scratch on it... ever!

--
Email: patlandy_at_verizon.net
HELP GROW THE ECONOMY, SUPPORT THE FAIRTAX.
http://fairtax.org

On Fri, 20 Jan 2006 00:16:39 -0600, Jon Elson
wrote:
Leo Lichtman wrote:

Rich, how many feminists dous it take to call you a jerk?

ANSWER: None. It's obvious.

I try to defend women as much as I can. But, after the umpteenth
time my wife has smacked up her van, which now looks like it had a
bad experience with a car crusher, I complained that there wasn't a
square foot anywhere on the van that was free of damage. She had a
fit, so we went out and looked. We could not find ONE area that
was not damaged. Well, maybe one square foot, but just barely.

Is there anyone near you offering Advanced Driving Courses? Usually
done during the week at a real racetrack with semi-race prepped cars.

They teach handling at the limit, and accident avoidance measures
like approaching a row of traffic signals over different lanes and all
of a sudden one or more of the lights pops to red to signify the lane
is blocked - can you change lanes safely and in time?

You might be able to convince her that driving well is a learned
skill that can be fun but MUST Be Taken Seriously At All Times.

(Humor Section

And if that doesn't work, you can always buy a few lengths of wide
C-channel (Obligatory Metalworking Content) and a pile of rubber dock
bumpers, and put an armored and padded ring all the way around her
car. You'll have to weld the doors shut, but she'll get used to
climbing in the window really fast - She might even learn how to do
the "Luke Duke Hood Slide"... ;-P

(/Humor)

If that's too severe, Tough Love might be the solution.

Just keep fixing the mechanicals of her van, pull the fenders off
the tires when they start rubbing, change the occasional bent rim,
paint over the dents so they don't rust (which also lets you keep
track of new dents) and just let her keep on driving it.

If she can't avoid bouncing it off crash posts, parked cars, and
other obstacles at every opportunity, you can't afford to buy her
something nicer.

-- Bruce --

--
Bruce L. Bergman, Woodland Hills (Los Angeles) CA - Desktop
Electrician for Westend Electric - CA726700
5737 Kanan Rd. #359, Agoura CA 91301 (818) 889-9545
Spamtrapped address: Remove the python and the invalid, and use a net.