August 25, 2003 (AP)
Scientists Say Subatomic Particles Damaged by Use in Digital Photography

Researchers at Eastman Kodak announce discovery of a disturbing phenomenon
that may mean the eventual end of digital photography as it is presently
known.

Dr. Steven Bowman of the Curtis Advanced Labs division of Kodak tells
reporters that the unique handling of electrons made necessary by digital
photography actually damages those particles such that they gradually lose
their ability to convey color. As this occurs, says Dr. Bowman, storage
media casts off the damaged electrons and draws electrons from surrounding
materials - including the photographer - to continue functioning.

"The eventual result will be that not only is there a net loss of functional
matter in the universe, but what is left will be less colorful, less
vibrant," Dr. Bowman warns. "When cameras commonly capture 20 megapixels (a
standard of resolution) or more, the damage process seems to increase
exponentially, such that digital cameras may observably damage the fabric of
the known universe within our lifetimes. First we will notice a loss of
color in digital photographs. Then it will seem to spread to print media.
Eventually we ourselves will lose the ability to see color. From then on,
all color will be drained from personalities, localities, and we will live
in a black-and-white-world. The universe may stabilize in a B&W state,
although present research is inconclusive."

Dr. Bowman says that there may be one possible benefit of the phenomenon:
Early adopters of high-resolution digital photography also tend to drive
SUVs and other large and expensive cars. "We predict that, as these
photographers carry their cameras and storage media around in their
vehicles, they will draw electrons from the, making them potentially ligher
and more fuel efficient."

However, Dr. Bowman also observes that the damaged electrons are likely to
rise in the atmosphere and become assimiltated by the ozone layer.

"The altered ozone has no ultraviolet shielding properties, which of course
is bad. Worse is that it is more stable than normal ozone - once displaced
by damaged ozone, normal ozone is unlikely to be created in the upper
atmosphere. Altered ozone also has greatly enhanced heat-storage and
reflective properties. In other words, if we continue taking digital
pictures, we're toast."