Actually, I might dig up the garden and install under-garden heating
using a coal-fuelled furnace pumping hot air round sub-terranean
chambers. Them Romans wrote the book on environmental heating
solutions, surely...

Be better to burn wood, carbon neutral.

If I burned all my household rubbish instead of recycling it, that
would be even better wouldn't it It'd save the faff of putting out the
boxes every fortnight *and* heat my pool. Brilliant. Just need a tall
chimney to get those smelly fumes away from my property.

Think it'll catch on?

Boz