Modern Man's method of oil change.

Remind wife it is lady's day at the oil pit (she get's a free car wash).

DONE!

"Kathy" wrote in message
...

"Cliff" wrote in message
...
: [
: Oil Change instructions for Women:
:
: 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since
the
: last oil
: change.
:
: 2) Drink a cup of coffee.
:
: 3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly
maintained
: vehicle.
:
: Money spent:
:
: Oil Change $20.00
: Coffee $1.00
: Total $21.00
:
: ***************************************
: Oil Change instructions for Men:
:
:
: 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case
of
: oil, filter,
: kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for
: $50.00.
:
: 2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for
$20.00,
: drive
: home.
:
: 3) Open a beer and drink it.
:
: 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
:
: 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
:
: 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
:
: 7) Place drain pan under engine.
:
: 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
:
: 9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
:
: 10) Unscrew drain plug.
:
: 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and
arms
: in process. Cuss.
:
: 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
: Throw kitty
: litter on spilled oil.
:
: 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
:
: 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
:
: 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
: filter and
: twist off.
:
: 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing
oil
: everywhere
: from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can
to
: avoid
: environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
:
: 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish
oil
: change
: tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work.
:
: 18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change."
Drag
: pan full
: of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in
back
: yard
: instead of taking it to recycle.
:
: 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
:
: 20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
:
: 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
:
: 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil
to
: gasket
: surface.
:
: 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
:
: 24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
:
: 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
:
: 26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back
yard
: along with
: drain plug.
:
: 27) Drink beer.
:
: 28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel
oily
: patch of
: ground to avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawn
mower
: gas.
:
: 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
Throw
: kitty
: litter on oil spill.
:
: 30) Drink beer.
:
: 31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
: oily rag used
: to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening
drain
: plug and
: bang knuckles on frame.
:
: 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
:
: 33) Begin cussing fit.
:
: 34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
:
: 35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss August
: (2002).
:
: 36) More beer.
:
: 37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop
blood
: flow.
:
: 38) Beer.
:
: 39) Beer.
:
: 40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
:
: 41) Beer.
:
: 42) Lower car from jack stands.
:
: 43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
:
: 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
: during steps
: 23-43.
:
: 45) Beer.
:
: 46) Test drive car.
:
: 47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
:
: 48) Car gets impounded.
:
: 49) Call loving wife, make bail.
:
: 50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
:
: Money spent:
:
: Parts $50.00
: DUI $2500.00
: Impound fee $75.00
: Bail $1500.00
: Beer $40.00
: Total: $4165.00
: ]

JiffyLube costs $42.39 for "Signature Service", including tax.