What can I use to find it? A stud finder finder? Would that be a stud
finder squared?

It's obviously no where close because it would be going off all the time as
I am such the stud.

I would need a stud finder finder for studs like me, I think that is a stud
squared finder squared?

What would a device be called which is used to find studs like me who are
finding stud finder finders?

And what device finds those devices?