As an unprofessional writer, but quite the connoisseur of
professionally-written bull****, those rules are *excellent guidelines*,
altho everything can be bent for stylistic purposes.
The sure sign of a literary wannabee/asshole is, for one example, the
excessive use of commas. These people, I have found, simply cannot get
laid. To which there is actually quite the Jungian logic, iffin anyone is
innerested. Kinda long...
But then, I read these assholes in the Book Review Section of the NYTimes
all the goddamm time. Where the **** did half of these "professional
writers" go to school? And who are their fukn *editors*?? Goodgawd...
Not directed at you, of course. I'm sure you can violate ALL these rules,
whilst polishing your knob, I mean, craft.
----------------------------
Mr. P.V.'d
formerly Droll Troll
"Rick Cook" wrote in message
.net...
Ed Huntress wrote:
"Cliff" wrote in message
...

[
Rules of English usage.

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary;
it is highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth
earth-shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."
25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
31. Avoid putting apostrophe's in plural's.

And the last one...

32. Poofread carefully to see if you any words out.
]


You should run them rules up the flagpole and see if they stick.

--
Ed Huntress


Speaking as a professional writer, that's the lamest version of this thing
I've ever seen. Half of those 'rules' are nonsense.

But considering the source. . .

--RC