Part Zzz concerns the regulation of sleeping apparatus, known to the
rest of us as beds. After 2007 it will not be permitted to sleep on
non-compliant beds, and a vast mountain of scrapped beds is expected.
60 million of them in fact.
Part Zzz addresses 2 perceived problems: the lack of any restraint to
the sleeper from falling out of bed, and the risk of falling onto a bed
and sustaining back injury.
All new beds will require suficient restraint to prevent anyone getting
out of bed while asleep. Since this has to cater for sleep walkers and
sleep-mountain-climbers, all new beds require ends and sides 8' high,
and with no footholds to enable climbing. The height also avoids the
possibility of falling onto the bedside and being injured.
One will have to operate a system of safety interlocks in order to get
out of bed, and lower an 8' side, which provides a suitable ramp to
allow access for the disabled. Well, all 5% of disabled that use
wheelchairs anyway. The other 25% that cant negotiate an 8' ramp twice
a day, mainly the very elderly, will now need a carer just to get into
bed. So will the arthritic 20% that cant operate the new interlocks. No
plans to certify the necessary 100,000 new carers has been announced.
There has been some criticism of this proposal due to the fact that
only one person has died from falling out of bed in the last 50 years.
uk-d-i-y regulars have pointed out that emergency access to a nearby
telephone will be prevented by this mecanism, and an estimated 200 more
people per year will die from heart attacks as a result of inability to
reach the phone in time. However the implementation of Part Zzz is
going ahead regardless.
In short, the sale and use of beds as we know them today will become
illegal. There has been talk of the possibility of gang activity moving
in, with street corner bed dealers tipped to become a new kind of
criminal, selling old beds for anything upto =A31000. Sting operations
are expected, with jail terms of upto 5 years for... selling beds.
The new Eurobed is expected to cost =A32500. Sources have been quoted as
saying that 60 million x 2500 =3D =A3150 billion represents an excellant
investment in the nation's health and safety.
A few seem to think it may just be another way of fleecing the public,
but there seems little support for such views. In a Moron poll
conducted in 2005, members of the public said:
"Its great the government is thinking of our safety. We didnt even know
we needed new beds!"
"I cant see the point of it, but I suppose its all progress"
"I've been worrying all week about the danger of falling out of bed and
dying. I'm glad the gubmint is finally going to crack down on this
awful danger."
"How my mother lived with her bed for 60 years and survived I'll never
know. I keep nagging her to get a safe bed, but she wont listen. Old
people can be so ignorant sometimes."
"I'm a bit worried it might stop me getting to the phone if I have
another heart attack, but I'm sure the experts know what theyre doing,
have taken expert consultation, and have weighed up all the issues."
"I dont have space for an 8' ramp, and cant afford =A32500 plus
installation anyway. The council says I'll have to extend the bedroom,
but youre not allowed to do that in a conservation area, so we'll just
have to move. The house will no longer be considerd as habitable, and
I'll owe the bank 100,000 for the cost of the new house. I dont know
how I'll cope."
"I cant aford it either, I'll be homeless. What am I supposed to sleep
on then?"
"They said theyre going to arrest me. I just cant afford it. If I'm in
jail I cant operate my business, I'll go bankrupt. My wife's threatened
to leave me unless I get 'proper safe beds.' I think I'm gonna kill
myself."
Polls are showing 89% support for the new legislation.
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