"Lurch" wrote in message
...
.....hand them this letter.

OPEN LETTER TO B&Q Customer Services

Dear Sir/Madam

My congratulations to you on getting a yacht to leave the UK on 28th
November 2004, sail 27,354 miles around the world and arrive back 72
days later.

Could you please let me know when the kitchen I ordered 96 days ago
will be arriving from your warehouse 13 miles away?

Yours Sincerely

your name here



Incidentally, I'm banned from all B&Q stores. I went into one the
other day for some side cutters and a couple of drill bits. This
little ****** comes up to me and says "You want decking?" So I nutted
the ******* before he had chance to get the first punch in!
--

You owe me for some dry cleaning!