The normal technique would be to use a tone generator at the
control end.. (holding the phone set up to your radio and
pushing the # key should work, for that) and a box
at the other end that hears that signal and activates a relay.

If you want to keep the lights from turning on and off randomly,
whether you want them to or not, you should probably get
an EE or electronics enthusiast to build a box that
uses three or four latching relays in order, and resets
on either or both of a certain time delay, or a fifth digit.

I wouldn't be surprised if such a box already exists,
off-the-shelf, but I wouldn't know what it's called.

--Goedjn