Sorry, that subject line has set me off, I must have been watching too much
Little Britain.

Scene: B&Q, a miserable underpaid assistant is stacking the shelves.

Enter one flouncey, dodgy-looking woman in a flowing white dress, false
eyelashes and too much makeup.

Lady: Falsetto voice Could you possibly tell me where I can find
implements suitable for maintaining the residence of a lady?

Assistant: What's wrong wiv yer 'ouse, mate?

Lady: How could I possibly know? I am a lady. Perhaps it needs some
stencilled motifs in the front passage.

etc, etc