From: "Me"
Subject: OT: A SOUTHERNER'S FIRST WINTER IN THE NORTHEAST
Date: Saturday, January 10, 2004 11:07 PM


A SOUTHERNER'S FIRST WINTER IN THE NORTHEAST.

Aug. 1 Just moved to our new home in Massachusetts. It is so
beautiful here. The city is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it
covered in snow. I LOVE IT HERE!

Oct. 1 New England is the most beautiful place on earth. The
leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of red and
orange.
Went for a ride through the hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful.
Certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be
paradise. I LOVE IT HERE.

Nov. 11 Deer season will open soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting
to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and
tranquillity. Hope it will snow soon.

Dec. 8 5:00 PM. It's starting to snow. The first of the season
and the first one we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered
buns and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down,
clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was such a beautiful
sight!!!

Dec. 9 We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering
the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub was covered
with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years
and loved it. I did both the driveway and our sidewalks, then we had a
snowball fight (I won). Later a city snowplow came along and accidentally
covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver
smiled and I waived back as I shoveled it out again. What a beautiful
place. Nature in perfect harmony. I LOVE IT HERE.

Dec. 19 More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow guy did his
trick again (that rascal). A winter wonderland. I LOVE IT HERE.

Dec. 22 Snowed again last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway
to get to work this time. I'm exhausted, and have blisters on my hands from
shoveling. Damn snowplow.

Dec. 24 It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the
temperature has dropped to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees
and shrubs have snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our
driveway again. Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and did his trick
again. That asshole! Much of the snow is now brownish-gray.

Dec. 25 "White Christmas" my busted ass. More ****ing snow. The
snowplow got stuck down the road and that ****-for-brains had the balls to
come to my door and ask to borrow my shovel! I'll give him the ****ing
shovel..... I chased him with it for a quarter mile.

Dec. 30 More of the white **** last night. Been inside since
Christmas day except when "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere.
The car is buried under a mountain of goddamn snow. Don't know why they
don't use more salt on this ****ing ice. The weatherman says to expect
another 10 inches of this **** tonight. Do you know how many shovels full
of snow 10 inches is?

Jan. 1 Happy ****ing New Year. The weatherman was wrong (AGAIN).
We got 34 ****ing inches of snow this time. At this rate, it won't melt
until July ****ing 4th.


Jan. 4 Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to
get food and on the way back, a deer ran out in front of the car and I hit
the filthy creature. Did about $3,000.00 damage to the car. Wish the
hunters could have killed them all last November.

Jan. 8 Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which
soon became ice as the temperature dropped again. Bought studded snow tires
for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. $145.00 to a chiropractor,
but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected tonight.

Jan. 12 Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4 x 4 in order
to get her to work. She slid into a guardrail anyway and did a considerable
amount of damage to the rear quarter-panel. Had another 8 inches of white
**** last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in
store for me today. That mother ****ing snowplow came by twice today.

Jan. 13 It's 2 degrees outside. More ****in' snow. Not a tree or
shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the
night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene
heater which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to get
the flames out, but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and lost all my
eyelashes and eyebrows. Car slid on ice on the way to the emergency room
and was totaled. Finished the trip in an ambulance.

Jan. 14 Goddamn mother-****in' white **** keeps coming down. Have
to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the ****in' mailbox. If I
ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow, I'll chew open his
chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits
for me to finish shoveling and then comes down the street about 100 MPH and
buries our driveway again! Power still off. Toilet froze and part of the
roof has started to cave in.

Jan. 15 6 goddamn more ****in' inches of ****in' snow and ****in'
sleet and ****in' ice and god knows what other kind of white ****in' ****
fell again last night. I wounded the ****in' snowplow asshole with an ice
ax but he got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going
snow-blind. I can't move my toes. Haven't seen the sun in weeks. More
snow predicted. Wind chill -22 ****in' degrees.

Feb. 10 Took the car to the garage in town today. Would you believe
the body is rotting away from all the ****ing salt they keep dumping all
over the roads. It really looks like a piece of rusting ****. "Alternate
transportation" in this goddamn state is a ****ing Snow-Cat.

Mar. 12 March winds my ****ing ass. It's a ****ing white-out.
They're calling it the "Blizzard of '96". Can't see the ****ing porch for
the blowing goddamn snow. It took out the TV antenna and I'm getting Cabin
Fever. **** this, I'm moving to the south again.

Mar. 20 Moved to Florida today. I can't imagine why anyone in their
right ****ing mind would want to live in that God-forsaken State of
Massachusetts. I LOVE IT HERE.

Damn! Something just bit me!..........

--

Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
www.mormons.com


wrote in message
ups.com...
Awhile back, there was some really funny troller who'd post these long
long LONG posts about some supposedly Rube Goldberg-style DIY project
he was working on (i.e., I turned the blender on and my garage door
started going up and down, which blew a fuse, and now my washer won't
stop spinning, so I'm thinking of installing new brakes on the Maytag,
etc.).

If anyone knows the name of this poster so I can Google them, I'd
really appreciate it. A few, I laughed so hard my eyes weren't the
only things leaking (!).