I saw this in their 23/01/2019 specials:

https://www.aldi.co.uk/workzone-tabl...99235326401400

And offer you this:

Table vice, table vice,
Every morning you grip me
Small and light
Clean and tight
You look happy to squeeze me
Acme of clutch
May you fasten and crush
Fasten and crush forever
Table vice, table vice,
Hold my work-piece forever


With sincere apologies.