On Monday, 9 December 2019 16:35:25 UTC, wrote:
For some reason this house has a 2g plate with 4 light switches, only 2
of which do anything. Although we've been here for nearly 3 years I
still operate the wrong damn switches

Why don't you wire the left pair as two-way for one light, and the right pair as two-way for the other light?

Or in parallel, so either switch down = light on, both switches up = light off.

Owain