My new idea for dealing with time waster calls. I've used it three times
now. The exact format depends on what they're selling, but here's an
example.

Pest: Is that William Wright?
Me: (very faint shocked-sounding voice as used throughout) Yes. Is that
the undertaker?
Pest:"Have you been involved in a car accident in the last three years
that wasn't your fault?"
Me: Yes you know I have. Is that the undertaker? Is it Mr Bartholomew?
Pest: "Have you been involved in a car accident in the last three years
that wasn't your fault?"
Me: (sounding distressed) Yes yes yes! Please Mr Batholomew, can you
come soon? He's in the front room... It's not very nice now... the
smell... he's dripping on the floor Mr Bartholomew, he's dripping on the
floor! I've had to put my baking try under it... I won't be able to use
it now... I'll have to get another one... oh dear... of dear...

As many of you will know I'm a drama queen. I'm loving this chance to
extemporise.

Bill