On 29/12/17 16:28, charles wrote:
In article , Huge
wrote:
On 2017-12-29, Peter Parry wrote:
On Fri, 29 Dec 2017 12:20:28 +0000, John Rumm
wrote:

On 29/12/2017 11:41, Lee wrote:
On 29/12/2017 11:18, Huge wrote:
On 2017-12-29, Peter Parry wrote:

It would probably only take 15 mins to go through each circuit in the
CU and do a quick N to E resistance check...

(i.e. turn off MCB, disconnect circuit neutral(s) from bus bar, and
measure resistance to earth (of if you have an insulation resistance
tester measure N+L joined together to earth))

No chance :-

Excavate cupboard under stairs to find CU and get access.

Approach CU to remove cover.

Discover deranged plumber has at some time years ago run a pipe such
that you can easily undo 3 of the screws to remove the CU cover but not
the 4th.

Go to garage and make up a special screwdriver with 3 convoluted bends
and a sharp turn at the end so you can painfully slowly remove the last
screw 1/10th of a turn at the time. Spend 2hrs doing so.

Remove screw and discover the pipe, plus another you hadn't noticed,
prevent you from removing the CU cover even with all screws undone.
Spend an hour fiddling with every possible position to discover this.

Get long screwdriver and start levering pipes to get enough clearance
to remove cover.

Smell gas.

Hear gas

Discover small hole you have just made in gas pipe.

Shut off gas. Get issued with dire warnings about dinner (lack of).

Go to plumbing box to find you have 12 American standard gas fittings
which fit nothing, 6 x 3/4in and 8 x 1/2 inch neither of which fit
anything either.

Drive to Screwfix to get fittings and 4inches of pipe (minimum size
sold - 3m).

Bend pipe to fit in car.

Drive back and find 2.8m of bent pipe left over from when you last
needed 4in of pipe.

Get Blowlamp.

Go back to Screwfix to get gas for blowlamp.

Rework gas pipe to allow lid of CU to be removed.

Peer at CU to find Adam's apprentice fitted it and every screw on the
neutral commoning bar has the head snapped off.

Spend 4hrs trying without success to extract mangled screws.

Cut neutral wires at commoning bar.

Forget why you are under the stairs at 01:00 and go to sleep there
instead.

Go back to Scewfix to get screws and spare neutral bar, find non
there. Buy new CU instead.

Go home, discover remains of last consumer unit you forgot you had
bought the last time you needed spare bits.

Fit new neutral bar - discover Adam's Apprentice left no slack so
neutrals will now no longer reach neutral bar.

Rework and extend all neutrals.

Start testing, no fault found. Try again - find fault but it vanishes
as soon as it appears.

Spend several hours investigating and finding nothing consistent until
you realise fault comes back when someone walks along upstairs landing.
Start ripping up laminate floor you layed last month.

Find nail through cable. Repair

Jump up and down on floor. No fault.

Restore floor upstairs temporarily amongst loud cries of "If you leave
that lot there like that I'll get a man in to do it properly".

Reassemble CU.

15mins for all that?

*applause*

Worth leaving quoted.

And I thought it was just me that got into these "ha'porth of tar"
cascades that start with putting the Christmas decorations and end up
with me cutting down a tree in the garden.

It happens to the best. Barnes Wallis went adjust his garden gate - which
had swollen. Gets out plane, finds it's not very sharp, turns on powered
grinding wheel, finds it's running rough - bearing failure. Spends day
rebuilding motor, never gets round to the gate. ( His son was a close
neighbou - back in the '60s).

I was a close neighbour back in the 50s.

Walked past his house on the way to skool..


--
Socialism is the philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance and the
gospel of envy.

Its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.

Winston Churchill