On Sun, 29 May 2016 05:37:33 -0500, Stormin Mormon
wrote:


On the way to your Memorial day picnic, be sure to wear your seat belts,
everyone. Wouldn't want a ticket. Be sure not to talk on the cell phone
if you're driving, those tickets are nasy. If you own a gun, leave it
home in the gun safe. With the ammo stored separately. You're not a cop
or a soldier, you don't need guns, even if you're carrying a government
authorized carry permit. Everyone will think you are a terrorist. You
can always pull over to the side of the road and call 911 on your cell
phone, let the highly armed government guys take care of you. At the
picnic, use only FDA inspected meats, and FDA approved foods. If you
bring beverages, do not drink alcohol. You don't want a DWI that will
lose your driving privileges, and ruin your life. Remember, DWI can be a
felony, and the cops are out there. Do not have a public prayer at the
picnic or bless the food. Atheists and people of other faiths might be
offended. Play only safe, non contact sports like soccer. Football is
likely to hurt peoples self esteem. Don't keep score. Move people often
from team to team, so the outcome is nearly equal, and everyone feels
like a winner. Give everyone blue participation ribbons. If you meet a
cop during the day, do exactly what the cop says, so you aren't
suspected of being a terrorist. Stop for the DWI seat belt check points.
I know they take forever, but it's for your own good. Smile when they
ask you to open your trunk, so they can check for weapons. Surely, you
have nothing to hide.
\
Close but not quite. Be sure to drink all the beer while waitng
at the DUI checkpoint. The cops will take it for their own picnic if
you don't.

Nonspecific diety is asked to some how improve the USA. If you follow
these simple rules, you are reasonably assured not to be arrested or
detained for very long.




--
Using Opera's mail client: http://www.opera.com/mail/