dpb posted for all of us...



On 04/07/2016 9:07 AM, Harold R wrote:
...

So she's not with the program.

The kids are 12 and 19.

They don't really have any "chores" per se.
...

The battle is lost almost irretrievably I'd wager altho perhaps the 12
yo may have some chance to modify behavior if the 19 yo is soon not
around off to school or on own.

We never let kids have all the cell phones and "stuff"; there's no
possibility they would ever be allowed to spend their days doing nothing
but video games and the like; chores were always expected from the time
were able to walk could carry a napkin to the table or something to
"help" (even if it ended up as more effort to assist than net work
gained, often).

As for yard work, and all, there was no "like" or "interest" needed;
again, it was expected.

One does not do them a service by not setting expectations and teaching
a work ethic, but if it's not begun early, patterns are set and then
become exceedingly difficult to break.

I feel your pain but the situation was built from the start...

+1 (Although I have no kids) They may be too far gone... I suspect the 19 is
driving, so that is your crutch, the 13 is the phone. Gather the family
around the table and explain (without judgment or anger) that the bux are
going to stop unless you get their cooperation. You can blame economic times
or age or whatever-that society changes as one grows older and this is part
of it. New day at the ranch. Take the gas card away and the phone. Not as
punishment as incentive. They are looking to their parents as examples. You
have to provide the guidance, otherwise they will turn out to be slackers
like protesters in NYC. Can't remember the name of them...

I don't know what demographic area you live in but their peers will put
pressure on them. Remember they are probably doing acts which you don't
condone so you will have a uphill battle. Get your wife on board.

The way I was brought up was that was expected to help and get a job. It was
ingrained by my parents.

--
Tekkie