On 4/7/2016 9:08 AM, Harold R wrote:
Frank wrote ... on Thu, 07 Apr 2016 10:01:03 -0400 ...

I might have gotten my sons to help if I did it with them but things I
told them to do like cutting grass was like pulling teeth and easier to
do myself.

Eldest son surprised me on his second marriage where his father in law
taught him to do more things than I had ever attempted myself.

So my advice is get them to work with you but not on their own

Actually, the whole question was about getting them to work "with" me.

I don't really want them to work on their own. Sure, they can,
but the question was about fixing stuff, like putting brakes on
or mounting tires or mowing the lawn or repairing things.

Most things that need to be repaired need to be diagnosed,and they
get bored in just a few minutes of diagnosis.


Everyone has some good advice to offer that I've read so far, but the
problem is how do you implement something that'll work for your 2 kids.
One is an adult male teen, and the other is a young girl teen and what
works for one won't work for the other.

I'd suggest you sit them both down and let them know the rules are going
to change along with what will be expected from them. Once you set the
rules there will be consequences if they either won't/can't abide by the
rules. Stop paying your own kids $10 an hour to do chores in the home
they live in. Tell them they are getting room and board and food every
day and if they want to eat and have a comfortable place to live,
they'll contribute to the daily needs of the household.

For example: For the 19 year old, it's your house, you pay the bills,
and therefore his video games are no longer allowed - confiscate them
and let him know since he's an adult that he's expected to get a job and
pay you some rent. If he balts at that idea explain that he's an adult
and it's time for reality lessons. He needs to begin supporting himself,
paying rent, and helping around the house with specific chores. You're
his father and love him, but at the same time it isn't love to allow an
adult child to just sit around all day playing video games. He's grown
up now and life is tough and it's time he learns what it'll be like if
and when he's on his own so he might as well get a taste of supporting
himself, now, when you're there to assist him in learning the best ways
of doing it.

If your 19 yo son refuses, let him know he's welcome to move out and
have a taste of what real life will serve up to him if he's not
prepared, otherwise, you won't be providing him free room and board
anymore. OR, come up with some other consequence that WILL make him
uncomfortable enough to get up off his lazy butt and grow up and learn
about real life. It won't be easy for you to lay down the law, but if
you don't he could be living with you for the rest of his life sponging
off of you will no real life skills to support himself. That isn't love
if you let your son sit and play video games all day and not set down
rules and expectations for him to rise up to be a real man.

Your 12 year old daughter needs a wake up call, too, but you have more
time to get through to her, but your daughter will try to manipulate you
in order to get her way and anything she wants from you. After all,
she's daddy's little girl. Set down rules for her that are age
appropriate like pulling weeds in the yard, doing laundry, cooking
meals, working side by side with you so you can teach her how to change
the oil in a car so she'll know how to take care of a car when she's old
enough to own one.

REQUIRE both of them to learn life skills - take away their electronic
toys and make them EARN those privileges. You're their father - not
their sugar daddy. If they get out in the real world not having any
real life skills they'll just come back home when things get rough and
live off of mom and dad til you're too old to support them any more.
Allowing them to become those sorts of people doesn't do them any good.
Real life is tough and they need to learn if they don't pull their own
weight life will knock them down and they might not get back up.

That's just a few things I can think of ... My 3 kids are full grown
all living on their own, now. When we were raising them teaching them
life lessons was an every day thing, and they had to earn the "wants" in
life.

--
Maggie