Paintedcow posted for all of us....
"On Fri, 1 Jan 2016 22:58:11 -0500, Ed Pawlowski wrote:

On 1/1/2016 9:57 PM, Oren wrote:
On Fri, 01 Jan 2016 20:05:44 -0600, wrote:

You posted to a non-calendar newsgroup. Nothing about home repair.
Right now, only politicians worry about calendars.


I have a new calendar for 2016. Can anyone tell me how to hang it? Do
I need special tools?

Yes.
You'll need, a building permit, a 50lb sledge hammer, 8 railroad spikes
at least 2 ft. long, A professional assistant trained to use a tape
measure, 5 gallons of calendar adhesive, duct tape, insulation, 25 ft.
of 12-2 w gnd Romex, a steel beam at least 8 ft. long, a licensed
electrician, a Chain hoist (to lift the calendar), a barstool that
rotates, at least 4 strong men to turn the barstool while you're
standing on it and applying the adhsive, and a 30 pack of beer.

Have the trained tape measure person mark the location, pay them and
thank them. (they can then leave). Using a chainsaw, cut the chain on
the chain hoise to the same length as the calendar. Then use the chain
hoist to lift the calendar while you raise the steel beam by hand, and
nail it to the wall with the sledge and RR spikes. Connect the white
wire from the romex to the left side of the beam, and the black to the
right, and have the electrician wire it to a breaker.

Drink half the beer, then stand on the barstool, with the 5 gal pail of
adhesive, and have the 4 men turn the barstool at least 120 RPM, while
you scoop the adhesive on the wall with your bare hands. Drink 5 more
beers, and swing the chain hoist toward the ashesive, but below the
beam. If properly wired, the beam should be glowing red, which will dry
the adhesive at the same moment the calendar strikes the adhesive. Now
drive two additional railroad spikes thru the calendar, making sure they
are driven all the way thru the wall. Remove the chain hoist and have
the 4 men turn the barstool at exactly 850 RPM (with you still on it),
to blow the fumes away from the calendar. (Do not smoke during this
phase).

Properly insulate the calendar to keep it at an even temperature year
round, and use the duct tape to keep the insulation in place.

Now sit down on the barstool, and finish the beer while telling your
wife the dates of all holidays, and have her write them down on paper,
to enter into your cellphone at a later time.

With the job finished, turn off the main breaker in your house and
contact the building inspectors to inspect the job and approve it.
After they are finished, you can turn your power back on.

Note: This may increase or decrease your property taxes, and affect your
homeowners insurance rates.


The old calendar fell off the wall last February so I can't use that nail.
Thanks for any help,
Dateless in Dallas

The nail was probably fatigued from the weight of a whole year. Never
hang more than 4 months at a time. "

LMAO!

This should be canonized.