On 7/31/2015 3:34 AM, J Burns wrote:
On 7/30/15 3:00 PM, Muggles wrote:
On 7/30/2015 6:06 AM, J Burns wrote:

Politics is like that. On the ship, I found that management considered
me a left-winger and labor considered me a right-winger. That's what
happens when you don't pay lip service.


Is not paying lip service the same thing as not being willing to kiss
anyone's butt? That's my biggest fault, er, I get blamed for not being
pc enough.

We moved at the end of 3rd grade. The start of 4th grade was my first
chance to make friends. The second day of class, the teacher made an
angry speech, saying kids who came from other states thought they knew
more than local kids. I was baffled. I wanted to know what the other
kids knew. It hadn't occurred to me that I might know what they didn't.
There she was, telling them to hate me. At that age, they ignored her. I
did fine, socially.

My 5th-grade teacher often made remarks to show the others she detested
me. I didn't know why. I just wanted to get along.

My 6th-grade teacher seemed benign to us all. I thought I finally had a
teacher who didn't hate me. One winter afternoon, she told me to open my
desk. There were ten papers stacked inside. She told me to clean out my
desk before the end of the day. It was bizarre that she wanted my desk
empty, that she singled me out, that she chose a time when we were
supposed to be doing something else, and that she implied I should do it
later.

An hour later, as we waited for the bell, she asked ominously, "You
haven't touched your desk, have you?" That made my head spin because I
couldn't remember what she meant. I was supposed to feel guilty when
addressed like that, but why? I made the only honest, polite response I
could: "Well, I am touching it..."

The class roared. I realized why. They didn't know what she meant,
either, and they knew what it was like to have an adult blame them for
something they didn't understand.

I'd thought my reply would be her opening to clarify her accusation. She
simply told me to stay after school. I realized her telling me to clean
out my desk had been a setup. She'd known I'd forget.

As soon as the others left, she was livid, ranting about how there was
something very obnoxious about me, and she couldn't put her finger on
it, but I knew what I was doing and she wanted it stopped. She said my
response about touching my desk was an example.

I had no idea what she was talking about, but saying so would have been
socially unacceptable. She was in authority and she said I did. I bit
my lip as she went on and on in her rage. I'd long suspected adults were
crazy. She was clearly paranoid, imagining I was out to get her.

It took many years to figure it out. By 6th grade, a kid is expected to
know truth is about pleasing authority, whether it's a teacher or a peer
group. If her tone said I was at fault, I was supposed to feel scared
and at fault for not knowing what she meant. She was so much into
imposing her script that she was the only one in the room who didn't
comprehend my innocent response. Obnoxious!

I usually kept quiet in class. When I raised my hand, it was because
I'd thought of something that seemed pertinent. I'd get a good response
from classmates but not teachers. At the time, it didn't occur to me
that teachers didn't know what I was talking about. They were too much
into their lesson plan, their script.

As Dragline said, "Back sass a boss and you spend the night in the box."
Schools were prisons and our prime directive was lip service.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading what you wrote. I remember one very
profound thing similar to what you shared, but it had to do with the
willingness of kids to follow the group just so they could fit in. The
lengths they'd go to only showed me just how little thought they put
into so many of their actions. I remember that day clearly as being the
day I made a decision to never do anything just because it seemed like
the popular thing to do, to question everything and everyone if
something didn't feel right to me, and to stand my ground on any issue I
had put a lot of thought into regardless of what other people tried to
do to me to pressure me to change my position. I suppose I'm a
non-conformist today because of that moment when I was a kid. I'd rather
think for myself then follow any crowd just to be accepted.

--
Maggie