But really, particle board is the wrong material if the OP
needs to fasten into the face of it. Running screws into
particle board only works if you're going into an edge - it's
not a coincidence that all the screws are 1.5 inch long or
more, they're intended to go deep into an edge.


This is the complete opposite of the facts. You can buy particle board screws from 1/2 inch long. Screws for the edge of particle board are called "carcase" screws, and have a coarser thread than normal P.B. screws. This is because it is very hard to get a good fixing in the edge of P.B.
Have you ever seen P.B.?