"Rod Speed" wrote in message
...


"Mr Pounder" wrote in message
...

"Capitol" wrote in message
news
Mr Pounder wrote:
"The Medway wrote in message
...
https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.n...f20c84b30ec935


"A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early
hours of Tuesday 3 February. Epicent Basildon, Essex.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fackin 'ell"
and
"whatta cant". The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately
£30
worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and
Spanish
Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out
cars
were disturbed.

Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.

Essex FM News (State Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents
were
confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact
that
something interesting had happened in Basildon.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 17-year-old mother of 5 said "It
was
such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my
bedroom
crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it
all.
I was shaking as I watched telly and skinning up".

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as
normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny
Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are
still
searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of
personal
belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke
at
Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those
unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought
after,
items most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa
tracksuit
tops (his and hers) Shell suits (female) White sport socks Rockport
boots
and any other items usually sold in Matalan.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required
foodstuffs include Microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream and
cans
of Colt 45 or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the
compensation
forms, £2.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of
5,
£5.00 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of
those
affected. Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh
housing
is unfair on the population of neighbouring areas of Vange, Pitsea and
Laindon.

*Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret - 'where
are
you bleeding from?' they asked, 'Romford' said the girl 'woss that got
to do
wiv it?'


I like it, but you seem to be ignorant of the fact that the south of
England keeps your local unemployables in beer and far too many of them
emigrate south to Basildon!

Yes, there is more employment in the south and always has been. This does
not mean that it is a better place to live. I've worked all over the
country and would not want to live anywhere in the south.
Please bear in mind that I went to the south with an open mind.

Because it is empty.
Most people here think that about your mind.