"Stormin Mormon" wrote in message
...
From:
Newsgroups: rec.autos.driving,alt.home.repair,alt.autos
Sent: Tuesday, February 26, 2008 2:14 AM
Subject: How to make a "Blizzard Survival Kit" for Drivers

Making a "Blizzard Survival Kit" !!!

You're driving down the road in a winter blizzard. The
thermometer reads minus 25, the winds are blowing 50 mph
and you cant see ten feet ahead of you. Suddenly your car
slides off the road into a ditch and a deep snow bank.
The snow is packed under the car so the wheels do nothing
but spin. You don't have a snow shovel to dig the car out,
or a safety flare to alert the authorities. Your cellphone
battery is dead, and you're freezing cold. You know you
will soon die from exposure and freaze to deeth. What are
you going to do as you kneel on the front seat of your car
praying to the plastic Jesus hanging on your rear-view
mirror, while cussing out God because of the tragedy
you are experiencing.

But, you know you're prepared for an emergency such as
this, because you were smart enough to create a "Blizzard
Survival Kit" long before this disaster occurred, and
every good driver knows that sooner or later this disaster
WILL happen.

You open the glove compartment and find a small carboard
box. Inside the box is an ice pick, book of matches, some
cotton, a nail, some bubblegum, and a candle.

Here's how to use your "Blizzard Survival Kit".

1. Empty contents of the box.

2. Puncture the bottom of the cardboard box with the nail
and stick the nail into the bottom of the candle so the
candle stands upright
inside the box.

3. Place the cotton around the base of the candle inside
the box.

4. Light the candle inside the car so the wind does not
blow out the match.

5. Take the ice pick and puncture a small hole in your
cars gas tank.

6. Carry the "Blizzard Survival Kit" with burning candle
to the rear of the car and place the box near (but not
too close) to the leak in the gas tank which you made
with your ice pick.

7. Grab your plastic Jesus and get at least 500 feet
away from the car. This will be the toughest time
because you will be freezing cold and all you can do
is wait, while praying to your plastic Jesus for a
place in his plastic heaven, if you should die.

8. Several minutes pass, and you'll suddenly notice the
cotton ignite in the box, setting the box on fire, which
will then ignite the dripping gasoline. Seconds later
the entire contents of your gas tank will ignite, explode,
and begin to burn with a very hot fire. This is when you
can walk closer to the fire and warm up. The flames and
thick black smoke will alert the authorities that you are
there, and they will come to assist. Best yet, the heat
from the gasoline fire will melt the snow around your
car so you can easily drive away after you insert the
bubblegum in the hole in the gas tank, and refill the
tank with gas.

Today is a great day to create your very own "Blizzard
Survival Kit". Don't wait until disaster strikes, and
it's too late when the authorities find your frozen dead
body on the side of the road.

This road safety tip is provided as a courtesy by Mike's
Auto Salvage of Sarasota, Florida.

Mike


next time there is a blizzard in Sarasota Florida, we will all be prepared.