On 9/24/2013 3:09 PM, John Doe wrote:
What kind of grease do you use for your vice (the most common vice
you own) or for your vice-grips locking pliers?

Here's a good joke featuring grease.

A cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly
man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the
fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took a place next to the
old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition.

"Do you think you could give me some tips?" he asked. The old man looked
him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun
too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man. "Sure
will," replied the old-timer. The young man did as he was told, stood
up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
"That"s terrific!" said the hot shot. "Got any more tips for me?"

"Yep," said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the
hammer hits it; that'll give you a smoother draw" "Will that make me a
better gunfighter?" asked the younger man. "You bet it will," said the
old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun
in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player. "Wow!"
exclaimed the cowboy "I'm learning somethin' here. Got any more tips?"

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that
axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it." The young man went over
to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.

"No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and
all."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"No," said the old-timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the
piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much."