On Sun, 24 Jul 2011 23:43:15 -0500, Don Foreman
wrote:
The place is rural, and quite expansive. There's a big house, and
several large other buildings, one of which appears to be pretty much
dedicated to entertaining. The owner reputedly makes his living doing
metal fabrication and it is obviously a very good living indeed. I
could have been very interested in that but I had no obvious way of
being introduced and I didn't feel it was my place to press for an
introduction. I wouldn't know the guy if he ran over me. He may not
even have been there. In one building I saw two Miller MIG welders, a
Millermatic 250 and a Millermatic 350, and something that looked
like a formula racecar monocoque under construction. Beautiful work!
Next time, ASK! But be sure to tell your housekeeper that you'd like
to meet the guy since you have much in common.
It turns out that this was a church benefit of some sort, and they
were selling food and drinks. I didn't buy any food because I'd
just finished lunch but it did smell good. Pulled barbequed pork, I
believe. There were some musicians on a stage jamming: 3 or 4
guitars and a drummer. I have no idea how they do that. It didn't
sound like they were playing anything in particular, but they weren't
getting in each other's way either. But it was kind of monotonous.
There were people sitting around at tables, and others sort of walking
around like I was. Perhaps 50 people in total. Not much conversation
going on because the music was so loud. There were kids playing in
some sort of water attraction outside, like a big slide with a pool
at the bottom.
I introduced myself to a couple of people. They seemed friendly and
polite enough, but no apparent interest in who the hell was I and
where did I come from. I was basically walking around smiling at a
bunch of strangers. My housekeeper wasn't there so I didn't know a
soul.
Your housekeeper not showing was very, very rude.
I have never felt so wretchedly lonely in my life. I managed not to
make a public spectacle of myself but when I got myself together I got
the hell out of there. Once on the road I recovered my equilibrium
fairly quickly.
I'm pretty shy (when not behind a keyboard) so I've felt that way all
my life. Alcohol fixed it for awhile, but that surely wasn't a real
fix.
Today I joined the Sunday Spirits walking group that walks somewhere
every Sunday afternoon. It's a Catholic group of over-50 singles. I'm
not Catholic, but they don't seem to mind. Mary was raised Catholic,
maybe I get a pass that way.
Or just forget the religious link and enjoy the company for what it
is.
Today it was around the lake at Central Park in Roseville, about 3
miles. I knew that was safe because even if I felt alone in that
crowd I'd still be walking in a pleasant place and I usually walk
alone anyway -- so it was a nobrainer. I learned about this from
Maryann, a woman in my grief support group at Mercy on Monday nights.
I'd asked her if she'd be going. She said she would, and she was
indeed there and greeted me with a smile. A SMILE, from Sad Sack
Maryann!
It was fun. I think I'm a good decade older than any one else who
walked the long route, though I think women are better at concealing
their age than I am at guessing it. There's one gent that is probably
my age and possibly a bit older, ex-marine (if there is any such
thing as an ex-marine),looks fit -- but he walked the short route. I
had to hustle a bit to keep up with the group, but I was able to. I
wasn't winded when we finished and was able to converse on the trail,
but my legs felt a bit wobbly by the time we were done and I was ready
for a rest. Not arrest. My cardiologist would be proud of me. Mary
would say, "way to go, Foreman!"
Goodonya, Mate.
I was by far the new fish in that lot. Most had lost their spouses a
couple of years ago or more. So people did talk about things like
that, but they talked about a lot of other things too and when they
spoke of their late spouses it was fondly and warmly but not
painfully. It's not a grief group, it's a havin' fun activity group.
I had a nice conversation with a Cheryl while on the trail. She was
open, friendly, interesting and interested. It felt funny having her
walk on my left. When I have a walking companion I usually walk on
the left because my right ear is my least bad ear, but I'll be
walking, standing and sitting on the right until I get a replacement
for my lost right hearing aid. Not being able to hear is a nuisance.
It was fun! Good workout, beautiful day, pleasant venue, friendly
people. Afterwards we repaired to Panera in Rosedale for conversation
and refreshment. Maryann sat across from me. I have never seen her
so cheerful. N.B.: this is by no means a budding romance and I don't
see it ever becoming one. That's not something I want or am ready for
by quite a ways. But it could be the beginning of a nice
friendship. I'd like that and I'd bet large that she would enjoy it
too. I'd like to expand my list of friends I can call or email to
invite to some event or activity, or maybe just hang out and visit for
a little while, or help with small stuff like needed transport or a
broken lawnmower. We both have kids in town so we're not destitute,
but kids have jobs and lives and it can't hurt a bit to have a wider
mutual support network available.
Your continuous rebuttal that this is a budding romance is telling,
sir. wink Please enjoy whatever happens.
Steve's face looked like a kid on Christmas morning. Heads turned, as
in "what was THAT?" I was laughing out loud and I think he was too.
The other guys three lanes down were grinning and there were several
guys watching us through the big plate glass window that separates the
range area from the store and waiting area. Steve proceeded to
shoot the remaining five in the cylinder. A dozen is usually enough
for most people but it definitely is a kick. (Pun intended) Jack
tried it too and was also grinning. I fired six and that was enough
for today.
My little KelTec 9mm is loud like that. People on the range always
look over and see the tiny gun, then mime "WTF _is_ that thing?" g
They'd looked over expecting to see an Eagle .50 or sumpin'.
Nothing on my calendar for tomorrow. Not good.
Can't you relax and find a good book to read? Still got your library
card? Or get thee to a bookstore and grab something that really
interests you if the library is all read out.
Ah! Jungle steam heat has broken,
We just had two days of heat, 101 and 98, respectively, but the
hummerditty was fairly low. 80s are due back today, to my relief.
nice day tomorrow, wind NNW at 6, I'm going to the
rifle range! I've pretty much always done that alone. Mary enjoyed
handguns but didn't enjoy shooting rifles. She was right-handed but
left-eye dominant. That's not a problem with handguns but it is with
scoped rifles.
I'm the opposite, LH and RED.
Four months after Mary's death I still cry some or more at some point
of every day. That's not a plan, it just happens when it happens. I
let it happen, don't fight it. I'm alone, nobody would know if I
didn't tell but I'm not ashamed of it. There's no shortcut around
grief about the loss of a treasured spouse like Mary and the wonderful
life I enjoyed with her. Grief hurts and time doesn't heal without
painful effort. But I'm doing my damndest to keep on keepin' on and
I do think I'm making progress.
Excellent, all. You have grief, awareness of it, and a very good
attitude, and are allowing yourself to feel it. Those are the key
ingredients to a successful process.
http://goo.gl/2pthP
Too little too slow, but that's how she goes.
Crunch crunch, one boot in front of the other.
Yeah, when you're inside an unfolding emotion, it seems to take
forever. You'll look back in a couple years and compare your journey
to others and find that you zipped right through it, comparatively.
Today I was able to give joy to a stuck-in-grief miserable fellow traveller,
and that brought me conserable joy.
This is good!
Is that more check-in than you wanted, Michael? G
I'll bet he's still grinning about you-know-who...
xox
--
[Television is] the triumph of machine over people.
-- Fred Allen