"Vic Smith" wrote in message

I wanted to make it clear it wasn't serious. Didn't work.

This is Usenet where every joke is seen by at least someone as a hostile
threat.

Never felt I needed a piece myself except once.
Packed a borrowed .32 for a while. That blew over pretty quick.

Carried a .380 in a boot holster for long enough to rub the checkering off
the wooden handle and the Beretta emblem smooth. Never shot my ankle off
but never carried one in the chamber. My (eventual) Pulitzer Prize winning
editor-in-chief insisted that a good reporter should be able to talk his way
out of any trouble. My managing editor said "carry at least $1000 in cash
with you wherever you go so if talking fails, you can buy your way out of
trouble." After the first time I arrived at a robbery before the cops did,
*I* said "I need a frikkin' gun - just in case talking and cash don't work."

You're just funnin' us, Vic.

Yup.

I finally figured it out. Guess I am getting rusty. (-:

I remember every gruesome detail of the three
times I nearly had to shoot someone because my eyes were bulging from the
adrenaline. I remember the face of the guy who cocked his head from side
to
side to make sure my .380 Beretta was a real gun. I remember clearly
thinking "side to side, OK" but one millimeter towards me (he was about
5'
away) and he was dead. I remember exactly what I said, too: "Back off or
you're dead." And he did.


Did he give you your mail first?

You're a funny guy for sure. (-: A+ for creative writing.

It happened to be an Arab diplomat with full immunity that had nearly run me
over with his gold Mercedes. I slapped the trunk lid HARD to keep him from
backing over me and the dance began. I think I would have shot him anyway,
except for the handprint I might have left on his shiny car. He comes out
with something in his hand saying: "You see this? You don't hit a car like
this!" Things degraded rapidly from there until I said "You see THIS?" and
took my Beretta out of my jacket pocket. Admittedly it's a small, toyish
looking gun so his head went back and forth like a metronome, looking at the
gun, trying to see if it was a real gun, not realizing, I think, that he was
so close that I basically had to fire if he moved forward, if only to keep
control of the gun. He turned and ran away realizing his immunity might not
extend to seven shots in the chest at point blank range. I assume he either
learned some manners or bought a gun after that incident.

Jesus. I'm glad I moved where I did.
Not saying any place is free of crime, but I've lived in lots of
places, and there's huge differences.
I've had the same nice patio furniture outside for years.
Had to get used to it still being there the next day.
But thieves nearly always catch you by surprise anyway.
It's their nature.
Realized that when a one of my Navy mates lost a pair of stinky socks
to a thief. He was raving for days.
"Who the **** would take those stinky socks!!??"
If it ain't nailed down......
Never saw a thief in action.
No surprise they used to hang thieves when they caught them.
Might not get another chance.

The one thing Arabs do that I commend is cutting the hands off of repeat
offender thieves. That has a double deterrent effect. It makes you very
much want to keep your other hand and thus keep out of trouble. And it
makes it hard to be a good thief. It's win-win for the law, screaming agony
for the thief. What's not to like?

--
Bobby G.