Toom Tabard wrote:
On 26 Oct, 18:19, "ARWadsworth"
wrote:
Has anyone got any idea how these Devil's scrotums work?

In theory you scan the item and place it on the scales.

The scales reject the item. You try again. The ******* thing then
allows 4 items through before rejecting the 5th item and freezes up.
And never try to buy dowel using one unless you want large dowel and
intend to shove it up the managers arse when the machine goes wrong.

Not a bad setup.

No tills open and 3 staff watching the 4 self checkout machines.
Make that two staff available when one of them went to find someone
that could allow me to buy my items.

All I need is the correct weight of a nice drill that exactly
matches a large bag of nails, swap the barcode over and I will be
even with the *******s.

Adam

There is an old Scottish adage - 'kid on you're daft and you'll get a
free hurl'.

I suggest you take the initiative on that basis.

Stand in front of the machine with an intended purchase in one hand
and fifty pence piece prominently displayed in the other.

Gaze blankly at the machine. It will help if you have reading specs on
the tip of your nose, are gazing over the top of them, and if your
tongue is hanging out in the attitude commonly known as lolling.
Indulging in an occasional and sudden twitching motion may also help.

When the assistant shows you how to do the first item, don't then
eagerly proceed with the other items yourself. Maintain silence,
retain the expression of blank incomprehension and slowly nod your
head. This will give them the encouragement that with kindness and
careful training you might learn simple tasks.

Repeat the above until they've processed everything for you.

When they've bagged everything up, and sorted out the payment, you
should, of course, thank them profusely. In addition, lighten their
day by leaving them with something to think about. For example, try
asking, in cultured and educated tones, "Isn't it a pity what happened
to Marie Antoinette?" and then walking off. A backward glance will
probably confirm that they are standing there with a expression of
blank incomprehension, with their tongue hanging out in an attitude
commony known as lolling.

After sufficient similar experiences, add 'method acting' to your CV.

Beautiful. Made my day!