Stormin Mormon wrote:
A generation or so ago, we used to say "Children should be
seen, but not heard". I think there is some wisdom to that.
I also love kids, but preferably quiet ones who play nicely
and don't run about and swing their arms over their heads.


Back in the late 80's I had a little buddy named Wayne who
lived next door, he was 3 years old and his parents would
give him caffeinated soft drinks so this little critter was
outside on his big wheel at 3am all the time. Do you have any
idea what a big wheel sounds like on a concrete sidewalk at
three in the morning? It sounds kind of like a small cement
mixer full of gravel. Anyway, one day I went over to visit his
parents and the little perpetual motion machine was running
along the top of the furniture, bouncing off the walls and
yanking everyone's hair, etc. I finally snatched him up and
put him in my lap wrapping my arms around him so he couldn't
get away. In a my deepest monster voice I said "I'M GOING TO
EAT YOU!" he cried, Pleeeeez don't eat me, I'll be good, I'll
be nice!" I said "NO, I'M GOING TO EAT YOU, MUHAHAHAHAH!" I
let him go and he ran over to a chair, sat still and didn't
move. Everyone there exclaimed "Damn! How did you do that?"
I said it was a gift. After that, every time I came by, my
little buddy would offer me cookies or chips while saying,
"Here, eat this, it's better than me." I later found out that
his parents were using the threat of me eating him to make him
behave. The poor little guy was terrified of me. I couldn't
have that so the next time I saw him, I picked him up, gave
him a hug and told him I wasn't going to hurt him I was just
kidding. The little monster yanked my beard punched me in the
gut and went back to bouncing off the walls like a normal three
year old boy. Ah, little kids.

TDD