On Thu, 18 Dec 2008 20:20:14 +0000, RM MS wrote
(in article ):

Tne Old One will appear as soon as you buy a New One


Usually, an Old One must be invoked into appearance by reading certain
shunned passages of the forbidden Necronomicon by the guttering. baleful
light of a candle made from the fat of an executed highwayman within a
circle, exactly nine feet in diameter. drawn with a crayon made from the
unspilled blood of a virgin bound with grave dirt and some sticky white stuff
stolen from a stud farm by a tongueless Arab.

Can't measure the circle. Can't find the tape measure.

The damned book was in the shoe box with all the other instruction manuals -
router, washing machine, satellite TV remote, breadmaker... Frankenstein's
anatomy course.. the winemaking kit...

Can I find the accursed tome?
NOBODY has seen it, touched it, moved, borrowed, read or returned it to the
public library. The same nobody that polished off my last half of good single
malt that I was saving, along with the tin of Devon custard that was on the
shelf two days ago but nobody has used so I had to eat my avocado crumble
dry.

So - no instructions..

Maybe I can just make it up as i go along.. don't see any problem with that.
O.K. who's got the matches?
They were on here a minute ago. Next to the crayon..

I'll use a biro until the crayon turns up..

I'll light the candle with my trusty zippo.. which is in the top drawer in
the garage workbench..
Soddit, I'll use the electric fire and a folded length of paper.




Sorry, I had to go and get the blister ointment.
and a bucket of water.... good job the carpet was rolled back.

The candle's burning nicely.. well, _balefully_. Now how does that thing go?

"La! Cthulhu Baroda Nikto!!.."
umm...
"Fh'tagn Yuupee'Ess deliverit! Ad Hominem!!"

Draw the circle on the floor..

"Nachos nauseus cheesibit. Cadcam renderit! T'chock bah flavorit
G'na'ppfoobar snork!

That's about nine feet..

I think I've got it now

"Pingu mglw'nafh Cthulhu O'Reilly waggonhog fhnart"

Ahh _there's_ the book.. damn, it's outside the circle and I'm inside it..
I'm sure it won't hurt to sneak out and get it..

That's better..
Oh.. that's what I should have said.. never mind. It sort of sounds a bit
similar.. sort of..

The candle's dimming.. it's

... going out..

and it's dark
the room smells of sulfur.. the floor seems to be leaning at a crazy angle..
it doesn't feel like a floor.. it's a wall, and I'm leaning on it.. no, it's
a floor.. it's tosssing about like a raftin a storm..


I can hear them.. the scratching in the walls..

the distant, far-away howling.. getting closer..

The door is rattling.. I can hear the wood creaking

the hinges are straining..


...the wood's beginning to splinter...they're coming..

No.. No...